Facts about George Carlin

USA Flag

Summary

George Carlin was a famous Comedian from USA, who lived between May 12, 1937 and June 22, 2008.

Zodiac etc.

He/she is born under the zodiac taurus, who is known for Security, Subtle strength, Appreciation, Instruction, Patience. Our collection contains 49 quotes who is written / told by George, under the main topic Funny.

Here is some other popular authors who lived in the same timeframe: George Will, Khaleda Zia, Clive James, Tom Metzger, Joe Namath, Mike Ditka, Martin Yan, Řystein Stray Spetalen, Didier Drogba, Billy Zane, Whitfield Diffie, Twyla Tharp, Maria Cantwell, Rachel Corrie, Amy Lee, John C. Reilly, Slash, Amanda Peet, Shannon Hoon, Joe Murray

Famous quotes by George Carlin (49)


Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Electricity is really just organized lightning"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Religion is just mind control"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Always do whatever's next"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Think off-center"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"The status quo sucks"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death"


Comments