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Facts about Mitch Hedberg SummaryMitch Hedberg was a famous Comedian from USA, who lived between February 24, 1968 and March 30, 2005. He/she became only 37 years old.Zodiac etc.He/she is born under the zodiac pisces, who is known for Fluctuation, Depth, Imagination, Reactive, Indecisive. Our collection contains 51 quotes who is written / told by Mitch, under the main topics: Dating, Food, Funny.Here is some other popular authors who lived in the same timeframe: Didier Drogba, Rachel Corrie, Amy Lee, Amanda Peet, Chris Brown, Vanessa Hudgens, Jennifer Lopez, Mena Suvari, Lleyton Hewitt, Marliece Andrada, Jerry Yang, Edward Burns, Carmen Kass, Lawrence Jackson, Lara Logan, Lesley Boone, Steve McManaman, Willie Green, Alan Smith, Billy Bush Famous quotes by Mitch Hedberg (51)   "Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
"Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen"
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience"
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set"
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it"
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit"
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down"
"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something"
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?"
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky"
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later"
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late"
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific"
"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once"
"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all"
"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming"
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality"
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