"I had to experience how someone beside me suddenly falls over and is dead and the bullet has hit him squarely. I had to experience that quite directly. I wanted it. I'm therefore not a pacifist at all - or am I?"

Otto Dix's quote is a reflection on his experience of war and the violence he saw. He mentions that he had to experience someone next to him unexpectedly falling over and being eliminated by a bullet, and that he wished to experience it. This suggests that he was not a pacifist, as he was willing to witness and accept the violence of war. Nevertheless, he then questions himself, asking if he is a pacifist or not. This suggests that he is contrasted about his feelings towards war and violence, and is uncertain of his own beliefs. It is possible that he is questioning his own morality, and whether he ought to accept the violence of war or not. Ultimately, the quote shows the confusion and inner turmoil that Dix experienced as a result of his experience of war.