Arnold H. Glasgow
Bryant H. McGill
Charles F. Kettering
Chris Van Allsburg
Henry Ward Beecher
J. B. Priestley
Jerry B. Jenkins
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thomas A. Edison
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included"
"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country"
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three"
"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets"
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time"
"My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic"
"That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard"
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"
"My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare"
"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant"
"I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut"
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is"
"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass"
"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day"
"The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder"
"I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun"
"I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair"
"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries"
"When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine"
"Electricity is really just organized lightning"
"I failed to make the chess team because of my height"
"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens"
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own"
"My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra"
"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell"
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