Famous quotes by Comedians


Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Gray hair is God's graffiti"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest.""
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"When you become senile, you won't know it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Old is always fifteen years from now"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it"
Parrent page PreviousPage 2 of 118Next page Next page