Arnold H. Glasgow
Bryant H. McGill
Charles F. Kettering
Chris Van Allsburg
Henry Ward Beecher
J. B. Priestley
Jerry B. Jenkins
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thomas A. Edison
Famous quotes by Comedians
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station"
"Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy"
"Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made"
"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework"
"Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet"
"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die"
"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on"
"The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it"
"You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any"
"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it"
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it"
"There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right"
"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God"
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet"
"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes"
"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children"
"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal"
"My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children"
"Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first"
"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right"
"I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger"
"I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time"
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody"
"I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread"
"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't"
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home"
"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit"