Humor & Wit: Dark Humor Quotes

Explore dark humor quotes that blend sharp wit with taboo subjects, balancing irony, cynicism, and satire to spark thought as well as laughter. The selection highlights clever turns of phrase, unexpected twists, and playful subversion of expectations.\n\nWhether you enjoy biting one-liners or reflective quips, you will find lines that tease the edge without cruelty. Approach with an open mind, appreciate the wordplay, and let the humor cast light on life's shadows while keeping the mood brisk and spirited.

Similar topics:Funny Puns & Wordplay Sarcastic Savage Witty One-Liners

"If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast"

William Tecumseh Sherman, Soldier

"Remember the words of Chairman Mao: 'It's always darkest before it's totally black.'"

John McCain, Politician

Small: John McCain

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"

Mel Brooks, Comedian

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs"

Robin Williams, Comedian

Small: Robin Williams

"It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late"

Emile M. Cioran, Philosopher

Small: Emile M. Cioran

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

Terry Pratchett, Author

Small: Terry Pratchett

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it"

Mark Twain, Author

Small: Mark Twain

"I feel happy to terrify kids"

R. L. Stine, Writer

Small: R. L. Stine

"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest"

Roseanne Barr, Actress

"He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian"

Woody Allen, Director

Small: Woody Allen

"Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that. Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world"

Samuel Beckett, Playwright

Small: Samuel Beckett

"I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure"

Clarence Darrow, Lawyer

"Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

Tom Lehrer, Musician

"Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?"

W. C. Fields, Comedian

Small: W. C. Fields

"There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy"

Ambrose Bierce, Journalist

Small: Ambrose Bierce

"We're not murderers. We're just businessmen who take advantage of opportunities"

Meyer Lansky, Criminal

Small: Meyer Lansky

"Death is very often referred to as a good career move"

Buddy Holly, Musician

Small: Buddy Holly

"An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination"

Voltaire, Writer

Small: Voltaire

"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite"

Winston Churchill, Statesman

Small: Winston Churchill

"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats"

H. L. Mencken, Writer

Small: H. L. Mencken

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans"

George Carlin, Comedian

Small: George Carlin

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark"

George Carlin, Comedian

Small: George Carlin

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten"

George Carlin, Comedian

Small: George Carlin

"Blondes make the best victims. They're like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints"

Alfred Hitchcock, Director

Small: Alfred Hitchcock

"What will I be doing in twenty years' time? I'll be dead, darling! Are you crazy?"

Freddie Mercury, Musician

"I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won't matter if I get this guy out"

Bill Lee, Athlete

"Personally I have no bone to pick with graveyards"

Samuel Beckett, Playwright

Small: Samuel Beckett

"Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere"

C. S. Lewis, Author

Small: C. S. Lewis

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer"

Mitch Hedberg, Comedian

Small: Mitch Hedberg

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye"

Hunter S. Thompson, Journalist

"There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge"

Hunter S. Thompson, Journalist

"Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance"

Mel Brooks, Comedian

"His smile is like the silver plate on a coffin"

John Philpot Curran, Public Servant

"Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty"

Djuna Barnes, Novelist

Small: Djuna Barnes

"I'd kill myself if I was as fat as Marilyn Monroe"

Elizabeth Hurley, Actress

"If I had the use of my body, I would throw it out the window"

Samuel Beckett, Playwright

Small: Samuel Beckett

"I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word "fair" in connection with income tax policies"

William F. Buckley, Jr., Journalist

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"Newman's second law: Just when things look darkest, they go black"

Paul Newman, Actor

Small: Paul Newman

"Ding-dong, the wicked witch is dead"

E. Y. Harburg, Musician

Small: E. Y. Harburg

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