Humor & Wit: Funny Quotes

Laugh along with a curated mix of funny quotes that play with timing, wordplay, and everyday absurdities. From sharp one-liners to lighthearted quips, these lines deliver quick smiles and clever twists. Browse for a mood lift, a witty caption, or a conversation starter. The collection balances classic humor with contemporary voices, inviting you to enjoy breezy chuckles and smart observations without mean-spirited edges.

Similar topics:Dark Humor Puns & Wordplay Sarcastic Savage Witty One-Liners

"I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything"

Maggie Smith, Actress

Maggie Smith

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix"

Dan Quayle, Vice President

Dan Quayle

"This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!"

Redd Foxx, Actor

"Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues"

Jim Fowler, Scientist

"Monty Python crowd; half of them came from Cambridge, and half of them came from Oxford. But, there seems to be this jewel, this sort of two headed tradition of doing comedy, of doing sketches, and that kind of thing"

Rowan Atkinson, Comedian

"I'm a big fan of the effects of alcohol"

Peter Steele, Musician

Peter Steele

"Zac Efron is my obsession, we're the same person. We're not actually here, it's like Janet and Michael Jackson. He just puts on his wig and a dress, and it's me, and you don't know that. It's one of the greatest mysteries of all time"

Megan Fox, Actress

"I rarely wear clothes when I'm home by myself. I love making breakfast naked. But you've got to make sure the gardener's not coming that day"

Kristen Bell, Actress

Kristen Bell

"I think comedy is one of the hardest things to do"

Faith Ford, Actress

"A child did approach me in a restaurant in Cornwall, but he thought I was Gandalf"

Michael Gambon, Actor

Michael Gambon

"I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it"

Manuel Puig, Author

Manuel Puig

"I'm kind of a closet redneck"

Donald Trump Jr., Businessman

Donald Trump Jr.

"It's like Scott Wolf: I never thought he looked like Tom Cruise until somebody said it and now that they've said it, I see it every time I look at him!"

Jeremy London, Actor

"Any comic is a tragic soul. Comedy is one of the things that allows one to survive. Particularly if one has been in the process of separating off the emotions, it's one place you can process them"

Twyla Tharp, Dancer

Twyla Tharp

"St. Michael's Mount is a favourite place of mine; people will walk across to the Mount all day and assume they will be able to walk home. The spectacle of hundreds of people realising that the path they walked over on is disappearing under several feet of water is very amusing"

John Dyer, Artist

John Dyer

"It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not"

Max Cannon, Artist

Max Cannon

"I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous"

Max Cannon, Artist

Max Cannon

"They grew really quickly. One minute I didn't have any tits and the next I had the biggest tits in the world"

Tracey Emin, Artist

Tracey Emin

"I learned early to drink beer, wine and whiskey. And I think I was about 5 when I first chewed tobacco"

Babe Ruth, Athlete

Babe Ruth

"You don't need a rope to pinch a stranger's butt"

Phil McGraw, Psychologist

Phil McGraw

"Theo does comedy now, and he's traveling around the country doing comedy, and I actually just saw him, he's from Louisiana, and I just saw him when I went home to visit my family in Louisiana. I saw his comedy show and he was brilliant"

Trishelle Cannatella, Celebrity

Trishelle Cannatella

"I'm getting better now, but I used to be incredibly awkward with girls. I think any guy who says 'I've never had an awkward moment with a girl' is a liar"

Daniel Radcliffe, Actor

Daniel Radcliffe

"I've always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as I can. It's as simple as that"

Norman Wisdom, Comedian

"I'm pretty gross. When I talk, I can be gross and crude"

Yvonne Strahovski, Actress

Yvonne Strahovski

"What's a soup kitchen?"

Paris Hilton, Celebrity

Paris Hilton

"Yeah, for some reason parrots have to bite me. That's their job. I don't know why that is. They've nearly torn my nose off. I've had some really bad parrot bites"

Steve Irwin, Scientist

"Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do"

Steve Harvey, Actor

"If you can't laugh at yourself, then how can you laugh at anybody else? I think people see the human side of you when you do that"

Payne Stewart, Athlete

"Kids cannot follow stories. They don't know what the hell is going on in a cartoon. They like to see funny visual things happening"

John Kricfalusi, Artist

John Kricfalusi

"I'm a TV junkie. I'm always flipping through channels"

Sebastian Bach, Musician

Sebastian Bach

"I look like a duck. It's the way my mouth curls up, or my nose tilts up. I should have played Howard the Duck"

Michelle Pfeiffer, Actress

"By laughing at me, the audience really laughs at themselves, and realizing they have done this gives them sort of a spiritual second wind for going back into the battles of life"

Emmett Kelly, Entertainer

"Is that your final answer? Here in New York, garbage men, bus drivers, taxi cab drivers, bus drivers, whoever, you know, people just yell it out to me. So that was a lot of fun"

Regis Philbin, Entertainer

"I was in preschool and a girl actually kissed me on the cheek. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what it meant, so I instantly grabbed her face and kissed her on the lips. And then I got suspended"

Jensen Ackles, Actor

"Sometimes we pee on each other before we go on stage"

Trent Reznor, Musician

"I was walking along and this chair came flying past me, and another, and another, and I thought, man, is this gonna be a good night"

Liam Gallagher, Musician

Liam Gallagher

"On some level in acting, what you're trying to find is truth, because when it's true is when it's also funny"

David Hyde Pierce, Actor

"That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny"

Jennifer Aniston, Actress

"It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes"

Thomas Aquinas, Theologian

Thomas Aquinas

"Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI"

Chuck Norris, Actor

Chuck Norris

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