Humor & Wit: Puns & Wordplay Quotes

Enjoy a lively selection of puns and wordplay quotes that celebrate double meanings, clever turns of phrase, and playful linguistic twists. These lines capture quick wit and subtle humor, offering light, memorable laughs you can share or revisit anytime. Whether you appreciate groan-worthy zingers or razor-sharp quips, the collection balances classic one-liners with fresh, pun-filled observations. Browse for a spark of creativity, a conversation starter, or a witty caption that brightens your day.

Similar topics:Dark Humor Funny Sarcastic Savage Witty One-Liners

"'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'"

Lewis Carroll, Author

Lewis Carroll

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"

George Carlin, Comedian

George Carlin

"You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led"

Stan Laurel, Actor

Stan Laurel

"Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money"

Gary Larson, Cartoonist

"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word"

Andrew Jackson, President

Andrew Jackson

"Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is 'elephant'"

Charlie Chaplin, Actor

Charlie Chaplin

"Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint"

Billy Connolly, Comedian

Billy Connolly

"To err is human, to purr feline"

Robert Byrne, Celebrity

Robert Byrne

"You know it is not my interest to pay the principal, or my principal to pay the interest"

Richard Brinsley Sheridan, Playwright

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips"

Charles Dickens, Novelist

Charles Dickens

"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"

Mitch Hedberg, Comedian

Mitch Hedberg

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"

Dan Quayle, Vice President

Dan Quayle

"McDonald's cannot flourish without McDonnell Douglas, the designer of the F-15"

Thomas Friedman, Journalist

"I know only two words of American slang, 'swell' and 'lousy'. I think 'swell' is lousy, but 'lousy' is swell"

J.B. Priestley, Writer

J.B. Priestley

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music"

Billy Wilder, Director

Billy Wilder

"If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?"

Paul Harvey, Journalist

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'"

Jessica Simpson, Musician

Jessica Simpson

"I named all my children after flowers. There's Lillie and Rose and my son, Artificial"

Bert Williams, Entertainer

"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me"

Mitch Hedberg, Comedian

Mitch Hedberg

"Left wing, chicken wing, it don't make no difference to me"

Woody Guthrie, Musician

"I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside"

Ken Dodd, Comedian

"Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong"

Bob Hope, Comedian

Bob Hope

"He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious"

Yogi Berra, Athlete

Yogi Berra

"If I could remember the names of all these particles, I'd be a botanist"

Enrico Fermi, Physicist

Enrico Fermi

"So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'"

Tim Vine, Comedian

Tim Vine

"Coincidences are spiritual puns"

Gilbert K. Chesterton, Writer

Gilbert K. Chesterton

"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"

Steven Wright, Comedian

Steven Wright

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization"

George Carlin, Comedian

George Carlin

"Never accept a drink from a urologist"

Erma Bombeck, Journalist

Erma Bombeck

"My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places"

A. A. Milne, Author

A. A. Milne

"I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled"

P. G. Wodehouse, Writer

P. G. Wodehouse

"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down"

Tim Vine, Comedian

Tim Vine

"If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!"

Dana Carvey, Comedian

Dana Carvey

"Orthodoxy is my doxy - heterodoxy is another man's doxy"

William Warburton, Critic

William Warburton

"When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical"

Jon Carroll, Journalist

"Puns are the droppings of soaring wits"

Victor Hugo, Author

Victor Hugo

"Do you spell it with a "V" or a "W"?' inquired the judge. 'That depends upon the taste and fancy of the speller, my Lord'"

Charles Dickens, Novelist

Charles Dickens

"I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'"

Steven Wright, Comedian

Steven Wright

"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"

George Carlin, Comedian

George Carlin

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water"

Franklin P. Jones, Journalist

Franklin P. Jones

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