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Humor & Wit: Puns & Wordplay Quotes

Enjoy a lively selection of puns and wordplay quotes that celebrate double meanings, clever turns of phrase, and playful linguistic twists. These lines capture quick wit and subtle humor, offering light, memorable laughs you can share or revisit anytime. Whether you appreciate groan-worthy zingers or razor-sharp quips, the collection balances classic one-liners with fresh, pun-filled observations. Browse for a spark of creativity, a conversation starter, or a witty caption that brightens your day.
Similar topics:Dark HumorFunnySarcasticSavageWitty One-Liners
"'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'"
Lewis Carroll, Author
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"You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led"
Stan Laurel, Actor
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"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"
George Carlin, Comedian
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"Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money"
Gary Larson, Cartoonist
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"Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is 'elephant'"
Charlie Chaplin, Actor
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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
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"To err is human, to purr feline"
Robert Byrne, Celebrity
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"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word"
Andrew Jackson, President
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"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'"
Jessica Simpson, Musician
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"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips"
Charles Dickens, Novelist
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"He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious"
Yogi Berra, Athlete
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"You know it is not my interest to pay the principal, or my principal to pay the interest"
Richard Brinsley Sheridan, Playwright
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"McDonald's cannot flourish without McDonnell Douglas, the designer of the F-15"
Thomas Friedman, Journalist
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"Atheism is a non-prophet organization"
George Carlin, Comedian
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"Orthodoxy is my doxy - heterodoxy is another man's doxy"
William Warburton, Critic
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"If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?"
Paul Harvey, Journalist
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"I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add"
Steven Wright, Comedian
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"
Dan Quayle, Vice President
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"Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint"
Billy Connolly, Comedian
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"My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places"
A. A. Milne, Author
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"All my children inherited perfect pitch"
Chevy Chase, Comedian
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"I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside"
Ken Dodd, Comedian
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"Coincidences are spiritual puns"
Gilbert K. Chesterton, Writer
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"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"
Steven Wright, Comedian
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"If I could remember the names of all these particles, I'd be a botanist"
Enrico Fermi, Physicist
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"He has Van Gogh's ear for music"
Billy Wilder, Director
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"If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!"
Dana Carvey, Comedian
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"Left wing, chicken wing, it don't make no difference to me"
Woody Guthrie, Musician
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"When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical"
Jon Carroll, Journalist
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"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
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"So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'"
Tim Vine, Comedian
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"I named all my children after flowers. There's Lillie and Rose and my son, Artificial"
Bert Williams, Entertainer
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"Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left"
Ambrose Bierce, Journalist
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"I remixed a remix, it was back to normal"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
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"I know only two words of American slang, 'swell' and 'lousy'. I think 'swell' is lousy, but 'lousy' is swell"
J.B. Priestley, Writer
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"Never accept a drink from a urologist"
Erma Bombeck, Journalist
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"I understand your new play is full of single entendres"
George S. Kaufman, Dramatist
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"Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?"
Steven Spielberg, Director
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"I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!"
Woody Allen, Director
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"Do you spell it with a "V" or a "W"?' inquired the judge. 'That depends upon the taste and fancy of the speller, my Lord'"
Charles Dickens, Novelist
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