Humor & Wit: Puns & Wordplay Quotes

"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers"

Doug Larson, Cartoonist

"Lyricists play with words"

Paul McCartney, Musician

"When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda"

Ryan Stiles, Actor

"I'd rather drive the Yellow Brick Road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around?"

Ryan Stiles, Actor

"The oil can is mightier than the sword"

Everett Dirksen, Politician

"That is a long word: forever!"

Georg Buchner, Dramatist

"Plus, I love comic writing. Nothing satisfies me more than finding a funny way to phrase something"

Michael Pollan, Educator

"Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it"

Stephen Leacock, Economist

"Austin sounds a little bit like Aston Martin, which is the type of car James Bond would drive"

Mike Myers, Comedian

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"

Kinky Friedman, Musician

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"I got sick of the dough, and thought I'd go on the loaf"

Curly Howard, Actor

"It was difficult being a conscientious objector in the 1940's, but I felt I had to stick to my guns"

Harold Pinter, Playwright

"If you were to climb up on your desk, walk around behind your monitor and lean way over so you could see the screen, you'd be able to read "Wordplay" just as easily as you could sitting in your chair"

John Langdon, Politician

"A lot of words in English confuse the idea of life and electricity, like the word livewire"

Laurie Anderson, Musician

"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy"

Tom Waits, Musician

"I'd rather play a tune on a horn, but I've always felt that I didn't want to train myself. Because when you get a train, you've got to have an engine and a caboose. I think it's better to train the caboose. You train yourself, you strain yourself"

Don Van Vliet, Artist

"There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice"

Lewis Black, Comedian

"I am not a politician, and my other habits air good"

Charles Farrar Browne, Writer

"Poor fellow, he suffers from files"

Aneurin Bevan, Politician

"So I went way too in depth? I thought they wanted the hole by hole"

Trent Dilfer, Athlete

"In like a dimwit, out like a light"

Walt Kelly, Cartoonist

"One time I introduced my orchestra as the Shampoo Music Makers instead of the Champagne Music Makers"

Lawrence Welk, Musician

"One of the glories of English simplicity is the possibility of using the same word as noun and verb"

Edward Sapir, Scientist

"I am a grateful... grapefruit"

Bjork, Musician

"An original something, dear maid, you would wish me to write; but how shall I begin? For I'm sure I have not original in me, excepting Original Sin"

Thomas Campbell, Poet

"Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them"

John Lasseter, Director

"I think the Peace Corps is a fine thing, don't you? he said. Well, I replied, it's certainly better than War Corps"

Erich Segal, Novelist

"When I'm not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg"

Snoop Dogg, Musician

"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"

Tommy Cooper, Comedian

"Water, water, everywhere, Atlantic and Pacific. But New York City's got them beat, our aqua is terrific!"

Edward Koch, Politician

"You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and right controls the left half. It's a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds"

Bill Lee, Athlete

"Where there is a will, there is a lawsuit"

Addison Mizner, Architect

"I've suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone"

Richard Armour, Poet

"At one of the annual conventions of the American Society for Aesthetics, much confusion arose when the Society for Anesthetics met at the same time in the same hotel"

Rudolf Arnheim, Artist

"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"

Tommy Cooper, Comedian

"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows!"

Tommy Cooper, Comedian

"IF is a very long word in Formula One; in fact, IF is F1 spelled backwards"

Murray Walker, Entertainer

"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well, hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"

Tommy Cooper, Comedian

"His ambition is to be the spider in the World Wide Web"

John McCarthy, Politician

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