Humor & Wit: Sarcastic Quotes

Explore a handpicked collection of sarcastic quotes that blend sharp wit with playful irony. These lines capture the art of saying the opposite with style, offering clever comebacks and sly observations for every mood. Whether you enjoy dry humor or a pointed punchline, this selection delivers quick laughs and knowing nods. Browse for spirited banter, caption-ready zingers, and tongue-in-cheek truths that keep conversations lively.

Similar topics:Dark Humor Funny Puns & Wordplay Savage Witty One-Liners

"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent"

Friedrich Nietzsche, Philosopher

Friedrich Nietzsche

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between"

Oscar Wilde, Dramatist

Oscar Wilde

"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company"

Lily Tomlin, Actress

Lily Tomlin

"Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses"

H. L. Mencken, Writer

H. L. Mencken

"Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded"

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Novelist

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I'm sick to death of people saying we've made 11 albums that sounds exactly the same, Infact, we've made 12 albums that sound exactly the same"

Angus Young, Musician

Angus Young

"Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people"

J.B. Priestley, Writer

J.B. Priestley

"Politics I supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first"

Ronald Reagan, President

Ronald Reagan

"I voted Republican this year; the Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth"

Monica Lewinsky, Celebrity

Monica Lewinsky

"Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15"

Ronald Reagan, President

Ronald Reagan

"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage"

H. L. Mencken, Writer

H. L. Mencken

"A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can"

Jane Austen, Writer

Jane Austen

"Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views"

William F. Buckley, Jr., Journalist

William F. Buckley, Jr.

"People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored"

Henry Morgan, Criminal

Henry Morgan

"An institute run with such knavish imbecility that if it were not the work of God it would not last a fortnight"

Hilaire Belloc, Poet

Hilaire Belloc

"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on"

George W. Bush, President

George W. Bush

"Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives"

John Stuart Mill, Philosopher

John Stuart Mill

"A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man"

E. E. Cummings, Poet

E. E. Cummings

"Women have no sympathy and my experience of women is almost as large as Europe"

Florence Nightingale, Activist

"I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you"

Edward Albee, Dramatist

"If the present Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour?"

Thomas Jefferson, President

Thomas Jefferson

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"

Dan Quayle, Vice President

Dan Quayle

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another"

H. L. Mencken, Writer

H. L. Mencken

"No member of our generation who wasn't a Communist or a dropout in the thirties is worth a damn"

Lyndon B. Johnson, President

Lyndon B. Johnson

"What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is"

Dan Quayle, Vice President

Dan Quayle

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart"

Fred Allen, Comedian

Fred Allen

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come"

Matt Groening, Cartoonist

Matt Groening

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

Bill Hicks

"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress"

Mark Twain, Author

Mark Twain

"In politics stupidity is not a handicap"

Napoleon Bonaparte, Leader

Napoleon Bonaparte

"Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven"

H. L. Mencken, Writer

H. L. Mencken

"There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California"

Edward Abbey, Author

Edward Abbey

"If Algeria introduced a resolution declaring that the earth was flat and that Israel had flattened it, it would pass by a vote of 164 to 13 with 26 abstentions"

Abba Eban, Diplomat

"The Highlander was a documentary, and events happened in real time"

Dana Snyder, Actor

"When school children start paying union dues, that 's when I'll start representing the interests of school children"

Albert Shanker, Educator

"The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum"

Thomas Paine, Writer

Thomas Paine

"Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in"

Harry S. Truman, President

Harry S. Truman

"He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting "All the Gods are bastards.""

Terry Pratchett, Author

Terry Pratchett

"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end"

Margaret Thatcher, Leader

Margaret Thatcher

"I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University"

William F. Buckley, Jr., Journalist

William F. Buckley, Jr.

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