Humor & Wit: Sarcastic Quotes

"I have just been all round the world and have formed a very poor opinion of it"

Thomas Beecham, Composer

"I hate government. I'm apolitical. Write that down. I'm not a Republican"

Bruce Willis, Actor

"I am ashamed the law is such an ass"

George Chapman, Poet

"I'm sure some cynical people would point to that as the main reason for doing it for a lot of people"

Jo Brand, Comedian

"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating"

Simon Pegg, Comedian

"You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!"

Mark Russell, Writer

"It's great that I get accused of not being politically correct. People need to take themselves less seriously. This world is so screwed up as it is, we've all got to relax a bit more"

Michael Bay, Director

"That's a difficult question, because to consider yourself a rebel is sort of ridiculous"

Shirley Manson, Musician

"Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?"

Elayne Boosler, Comedian

"I find it next to impossible to remain politely silent when people prate to me about the glory of being given another chance to live happily ever after!"

Mercedes McCambridge, Actress

"I don't want the giant ego. I don't want to become Kevin Costner, singing on the soundtrack to The Postman"

Joss Whedon, Writer

"Much as I cared for Joseph Kennedy, he was a classic example of that person in the arts with lots of brains and drive but little taste or talent"

Gloria Swanson, Actress

"With two leftover husbands to account for, my wicked soul has just about shriveled and died"

Mercedes McCambridge, Actress

"I'm not real impressed with the Star Trek weaponry, I gotta be honest"

Jeri Ryan, Actress

"Let me tell you, it is still morning in America. It just happens to be kind of a head pounding, hung over for four hours in America - and it's shaping up to be a nasty day, but its still morning in America"

Glenn Beck, Journalist

"I have not heard people in the Republican Party yet admit that they have a problem. And when they do say that they have a problem, I don't know that I believe 'em"

Glenn Beck, Journalist

"If you're ever in a situation where you're not getting served or you can't get what you need, just cry"

Jane Fonda, Actress

"Generally speaking, actors are allowed NO input. Actors are dumb"

Dirk Benedict, Actor

"My next-door neighbor's two dogs have created more shovel-ready jobs than this current administration"

Gary Johnson

"I'd ban all automobiles from the central part of the city. You see, the automobile was just a passing fad. It's got to go. It's got to go a long way from here"

Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Poet

"Well, I don't know too many governors who are flaming ideologues"

Birch Bayh, Politician

"Let's get on our knees and pray. I don't know to whom. Is there a patron saint of ballistics gel?"

Adam Savage, Entertainer

"Let me say this, to all of the chattering class that so much focuses on those little tiny, yes, porky amendments - the American people really don't care"

Charles Schumer, Politician

"Well, as I was saying... Everyone's so nice to me, usually"

Elton John, Musician

"Most of the people who are in elective office in Washington, D.C., they have held public office before. How's that workin' for you?"

Herman Cain, Businessman

"It must be a terrible pressure to have to go to the office"

Jilly Cooper, Author

"Some otherwise sane scientists have seriously proposed that we tuck this deadly garbage under the edges of drifting continents, but how can they be sure the moving land masses will climb over the waste and not just push it forward?"

David R. Brower, Environmentalist

"'Realistic' is a loaded word for me. Anyone who uses the word 'realistic' is all bad"

David R. Brower, Environmentalist

"People who oppose Obama are said to be racists - so I guess I'm a racist"

Herman Cain, Businessman

"I always thought of Levittown as a joke"

Bill Griffith, Cartoonist

"It's like turning the space program over to the Long Island Railroad"

David R. Brower, Environmentalist

"Well, I love fishing. I wouldn't kill a fly myself but I've no hesitation in killing a fish. A lot of men are like that. No bother. Out you come. Thump. And that's not the only reason"

Norman MacCaig, Poet

"My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists"

Jean Rostand, Scientist

"If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave"

Ralph Kiner, Athlete

"At root, fame is a sham. I'm not going to live forever, and if I am, I certainly need, don't you, to tell me that so that I will buy a car or a box of dried up crackers"

Nick Mancuso, Actor

"North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?"

Bobby Heenan, Entertainer

"If people want a role model, they can have Miley Cyrus!"

Katy Perry, Musician

"Let's just say, the American school of suburban angst is not my cup of tea"

Katherine Dunn, Novelist

"Mr. Obama has an ingenious approach to job losses: He describes them as job gains"

Karl Rove, Politician

"Who laughs less than feminists?"

Tucker Carlson, Journalist

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