Humor & Wit: Sarcastic Quotes

"Tiny Tim? Anyone could sing like that. It's atrocious. It's hideous, really"

Maurice Gibb, Musician

"It pisses me off. People are idiots, but what are you going to do? The world is full of idiots. That's why we'll never have flying cars. People don't know how to drive"

Dustin Diamond, Actor

"Gentlemen can now only behave as such, or be tolerated as such, in circumstances that are manifestly contrived or unreal"

Simon Raven, Novelist

"Every few thousand years, some shepard inhales smoke from a burning bush and has a vision, or eats moldy rye bread in a cave and sees God"

Kerry Thornley, Philosopher

"I hate goofballs"

Sargent Shriver, Politician

"The fact that they're a congressionally chartered group should no more incline people to give to that group than the fact that it's National Pickle Month should make them eat more pickles"

Barney Frank, Politician

"Men are hung up on breasts. They're looking at the titty dinner. It's pathetic"

Betty Dodson, Educator

"They appear to have become so attached to their outrage that they are even more outraged that they won't be able to be outraged anymore"

Barney Frank, Politician

"And I think there is too much bloviating around from politicians"

Barney Frank, Politician

"Whoever lives in Berlin, note, and doesn't die of Liberalism, will never die of vexation!"

Ferdinand Lassalle, Politician

"I am such a bad liar. I would like to lie, though"

Natalie Imbruglia, Musician

"I call tennis the McDonald's of sport - you go in, they make a quick buck out of you, and you're out"

Pat Cash, Athlete

"Thank God, I never was cheerful. I come from the happy stock of the Mathers, who, as you remember, passed sweet mornings reflecting on the goodness of God and the damnation of infants"

Henry Brooks Adams, Historian

"Anyone who thinks they're sexy needs their head checked"

Jarvis Cocker, Musician

"I like the enthusiasm but not the insincerity of Los Angeles"

Brenda Blethyn, Actress

"Is your remarkably sexist drivel intentional, or just some horrible mistake?"

Yeardley Smith, Actress

"We'd be nowhere without our looks"

Chris Lowe, Musician

"Elizabeth, Lady C, claims to be writing at the limits of language. Would it not be insulting to her if I were diligently to follow after her, explaining what she means but is not smart enough to say?"

J. M. Coetzee, Author

"I'm sure if you dig deep, Joe and Ralph Fiennes do it because they want to be noticed"

Steve Guttenberg, Actor

"The English approach to ideas is not to kill them, but to let them die of neglect"

Jeremy Paxman, Journalist

"I'm looking forward to providing the men of Seattle with an evening where they can kick back, light up a cigar and enjoy a night to themselves. Women, we can't technically keep you out, but please stay at home"

Tom Leykis, Entertainer

"The bile makes it better. I am an information wasting machine - 100s of words a day"

Marc Maron, Entertainer

"The Clinton era is over. I think that there would even have been a certain amount of rejoicing among some Republicans if Gore had won or if Ralph Nader had won or if Satan had won"

Tucker Carlson, Journalist

"Canadians are so easily wounded"

Tucker Carlson, Journalist

"I'm a better editorial cartoonist by default because so many editorial cartoonists out there are so awful"

Ted Rall, Cartoonist

"I didn't understand the American fascination with the Japanese schoolgirl. No, I don't think I can, really"

Chiaki Kuriyama, Actress

"My reply is: the software has no known bugs, therefore it has not been updated"

Wietse Venema, Scientist

"I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth"

Pete Townshend, Musician

"As far as the media is concerned, I wouldn't shoot anything down"

Tina Yothers, Actress

"Really, I don't see this heart-throb thing at all"

Javier Bardem, Actor

"The first step to stringing the boss up from a lamppost is saying the boss is a moron"

Ted Rall, Cartoonist

"I never believed that U2 wanted to save the whales. I don't believe that The Beastie Boys are ready to lay it down for Tibet"

Iggy Pop, Musician

"That's the mistake women make - you shouldn't see your makeup. We don't want to look like we've made an effort"

Lauren Hutton, Model

"I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry and he's got Mad Power Disease"

Paula Abdul, Musician

"I've worked so hard to eliminate the inner geek from my life. I suddenly realize I have no patience for those people who still have their geeks showing. Now I see why being 'normal' has been so important to me"

Kenny Loggins, Musician

"Being here allows me to make the case that not all aging, narcissistic movie actors whose children could be mistaken for their grandchildren necessarily act with the same motivation"

Warren Beatty, Actor

"People never cease to amaze me"

Tina Yothers, Actress

"Orrin Hatch was the keynote speaker at the last meeting of the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists. He sought me out because he was a fan. I was thinking he had confused me with someone else"

Ted Rall, Cartoonist

"I do know dumb-ass questions when I see dumb-ass questions"

Orrin Hatch, Politician

"After three failed marriages, I know what it's like to be replaced. So that's kind of how Joey Harrington must feel today... A former No. 1 choice looks to me like he's going to be a bust in Detroit"

Terry Bradshaw, Athlete

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