Humor & Wit: Sarcastic Quotes

"Now I'm being blamed not only for anorexia but for lung cancer. - On being a social smoker"

Kate Moss, Model

"Americans are really obsessed with their teeth being white and straight, aren't they? I saw this little girl the other day with one of those whole head braces. Elastic all the way around! How traumatizing for a child to have to wear one of those! You look like a monster!"

Kate Moss, Model

"Somebody can become a celebrity for being stupid. That is what it's turned into"

Kate Hudson, Actress

"And that's just what I'm saying. I would never want to be like certain people, who change the way they dress, go out in disguise, wear a big floppy hat and dark shades. I would hate that"

Todd Solondz, Writer

"I've never felt that using something with tongue in cheek has been a bad thing"

John Schlesinger, Director

"Bush is a frat boy in the White House but we've had that before. But I wasn't one of those people that was threatening to leave the country. By the way, none of those people have left the country. Alec Baldwin is still here"

Harry Shearer, Actor

"In hindsight, it may even seem inevitable that a socialist society will starve when it runs out of capitalists"

Larry Niven, Writer

"I really don't care what movie stars have to say about life"

Morley Safer, Journalist

"I'm not politically correct"

Kary Mullis, Scientist

"Celebrity - I don't even know what that means. Obviously it's the same basic word as celebration, but I don't know what's being celebrated"

James Woods, Actor

"I've stopped caring about skeptics, but if they libel or defame me, they will end up in court"

Uri Geller, Entertainer

"In the United States, there one feels free... Except from the Americans - but every pearl has its oyster"

Randall Jarrell, Poet

"I've had editors over the years who couldn't find a clue if it was stapled to their butt"

Len Wein, Cartoonist

"I always thought the biggest failing of Americans was their lack of irony. They are very serious there! Naturally, there are exceptions... the Jewish, Italian, and Irish humor of the East Coast"

Colin Firth, Actor

"It's still going on. I guess it will be until Redmond quits, dies or is jailed"

Farrah Fawcett, Actress

"It's amazing to me that people have any interest in such a low-level sex scandal. If I were sleeping with a congressman, maybe, but I'm a nobody and the people I'm writing about are nobodies"

Jessica Cutler, Celebrity

"This is the worst administration since Caligula"

John Dingell, Politician

"Clinton and Obama practice this politics known quaintly as the Richard Speck strategy: if you cannot take on everyone in the room at once, take them out of the room one at a time"

Grover Norquist, Politician

"Most modern comedy is crap"

Adrian Edmondson, Actor

"I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the least I can do"

April Winchell, Actress

"Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me"

Conan O'Brien, Entertainer

"Our charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins"

Horace Smith, Poet

"Now they're getting so politically correct you can't even stick your tongue out at somebody"

Richard Petty, Athlete

"The question arises whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage"

Florynce R. Kennedy, Lawyer

"I'm not mean"

Matt Drudge, Journalist

"I was first to break the news about the death of Lady Diana. The CNN team couldn't get into makeup fast enough"

Matt Drudge, Journalist

"Really, I didn't like Alaska. It rained almost every day, at least 300 days out of the year"

John C. Hawkes, Novelist

"You're an actor, are you? Well, all that means is: you are irresponsible, irrational, romantic, and incapable of handling an adult emotion or a universal concept without first reducing it to something personal, material, sensational - and probably sexual!"

George Herman, Journalist

"In L.A., everybody ain't so nice"

Noah Hathaway, Actor

"I hate people who splash their own pain on covers, like the whole world should hear about them. Why are we all supposed to be interested in one individual's suffering?"

Andrea Corr, Musician

"Hey, over here! Have your picture taken with a reclusive author! Today only, we'll throw in a free autograph! But wait, there's more!"

Thomas Pynchon, Writer

"Bill Rehnquist makes Barry Goldwater look like a liberal"

John Dean, Lawyer

"I want to see the writers' strike because the writers, God bless them, are the only true commies we have in Hollywood"

Ned Beatty, Actor

"Just once, I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim"

Ian Anderson, Musician

"In modelling, there is no point in trying to prove you have a brain, so why even bother? I'd sooner save the energy for something more meaningful"

Helena Christensen, Model

"The rest, called literature, is a dossier of human imbecility for the guidance of future professors"

Tristan Tzara, Artist

"What's more ludicrous is the whole idea of me being jealous and competitive"

Ryan Phillippe, Actor

"We're an ideal political family, as accessible as Disneyland"

Maureen Reagan, Celebrity

"A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth"

Patrick Murray, Actor

"But sadly, one of the problems with being on public radio is that people tend to think you're being sincere all the time"

Ira Glass, Journalist

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