Humor & Wit: Sarcastic Quotes

"Not necessarily, a lot of my songs are firmly tongue in cheek"

David Coverdale, Musician

"Maybe when I'm 75 and living in the south of France, after everyone I want to bitch about is already dead, then I may want to talk about my life in Hollywood"

Tracey Ullman, Comedian

"Big Brother sounded like a silly stunt and that's what it is"

Nigel Kneale, Writer

"Give me a break"

John Stossel, Journalist

"I think I grew a grey watching you procrastinate"

Brandon Boyd, Musician

"John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security"

Zell Miller, Politician

"You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians"

Stephen Colbert, Comedian

"There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell"

Stephen Colbert, Comedian

"See what I have to put up with every night?"

Sean Hannity, Writer

"The hon. gentleman had better spare his interrogations if they are as senseless as that one"

Charles Tupper, Statesman

"I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?"

Brian Celio, Novelist

"It wasn't long before people discovered the final horrors of letting an urchin into Parliament"

Bernadette Devlin, Politician

"Don't you think you're just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic?"

William Vickrey, Educator

"Today you have something like A Film by Joe Harry. That is patently asinine and ridiculous"

Elmer Bernstein, Composer

"I wouldn't even get elected. I'd probably deck a couple of people, too, which would not play very well with the national media"

Tim Robbins, Actor

"Political people don't solve stuff - not really. Political people are like guys in pop music"

Bruce Sterling, Writer

"The news is the one thing the networks can point to with pride. Everything else they do is crap, and they know it"

Fred W. Friendly, Producer

"Celebrities, even insignificant ones like me, are created to be abused by the Great Unwashed"

Poppy Z. Brite, Author

"There were dragons to slay in the old days. Nixon was a good dragon"

Pat Oliphant, Cartoonist

"Stop bothering me with your pathetic politics - I'd rather go to the whorehouse"

Otto Dix, Artist

"Our morbidly obese federal government needs not just behavior modification but bariatric surgery"

Mitch Daniels, Politician

"A quick glance at the American left reveals a movement in the midst of a nervous breakdown, displaying behavior that goes beyond inconsistency into the realm of bipolar moods and multiple personality disorders"

Michael Medved, Journalist

"Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?"

Stephen Colbert, Comedian

"I don't want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an award there last Christmas. What for? He doesn't sing, dance or tell jokes, does he?"

Ian St. John, Athlete

"I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing"

Tina Fey, Comedian

"Shave off your beard and wear a dress. You would be a great female impersonator"

Simon Cowell, Entertainer

"In time, your relatives will come to accept the idea that a career is as important to you as your family. Of course, in time, the polar ice cap will melt"

Barbara Dale

"I would have been a much more popular Wolrd Champion if I had always said what people wanted to hear. I might have been dead, but definitely more popular"

Jackie Stewart, Athlete

"Sex and the City changed: New York-New York's become a big shoe store now, unfortunately"

Chris Noth, Actor

"George W. Bush is like a bad comic working the crowd, a moron, if you'll pardon the expression"

Martin Sheen, Actor

"He has such a patronizing tone and manner, and such a sarcastic sense of humor. I found him rather brutal, a kind of elegant brutality which appealed. No, I think he came pretty much off the page"

Jeremy Northam, Actor

"Barack Obama says that we need to be humble toward terrorism. Yet he is the one we have been waiting for. That is humble?"

Evan Sayet, Comedian

"I love traffic. It's fantastic. New York traffic is so relaxing"

Chris Kattan, Comedian

"All social workers want is to get everyone involved in a programme, because a programme provides full employment for three generations of social workers, and they mess up"

David Eddings, Author

"No one is out to get you. It's just that... people are monkeys"

Stan Brakhage, Director

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs"

Alexei Sayle, Comedian

"Someone asked me years ago if it were true that I disliked Jews, and I replied that it was certainly true, not at all because they are Jews but because they are folks, and I don't like folks"

Albert J. Nock, Philosopher

"Sexual underwear is tacky"

Izabella Scorupco, Actress

"If you really hate George Bush, you don't want to read about his hobbies or that he's nice to his friends or that he's good company at dinner"

Daniel Okrent, Editor

"I take the theater seriously in that I loathe it, I'm bored by it"

Fiona Shaw, Actress

Page 32 of 43