Skip to main content
0
Quotes
People
Articles
SITE
Home
Quote of the Day
Handpicked
Guides
Occasions
Topics
Birthdays
ABOUT
About Us
Contact Us
Privacy Policy
Site Map
Subscribe
Guides
SITE
Home
Quote of the Day
Handpicked
Occasions
Topics
Birthdays
ABOUT
About Us
Contact Us
Privacy Policy
Site Map
Subscribe
Shortlist
0
Search FixQuotes
Search FixQuotes
Home
Quotes
Topics
Humor & Wit
Witty One-Liners (page 3)
Humor & Wit: Witty One-Liners Quotes
Top 50
Quote of the Day
Finder
Topics
Handpicked
Nationalities
Professions
Random
Similar topics:
Dark Humor
Funny
Puns & Wordplay
Sarcastic
Savage
"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else"
Winston Churchill, Statesman
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any"
Mae West, Actress
"If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts"
W. Somerset Maugham, Playwright
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country"
Kurt Vonnegut, Author
"Being right too soon is socially unacceptable"
Robert A. Heinlein, Writer
"Baseball is ninety percent mental, and the other half is physical"
Yogi Berra, Athlete
"Vanity is my favourite sin"
Al Pacino, Actor
"My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can"
Cary Grant, Actor
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
Matt Groening, Cartoonist
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her"
Agatha Christie, Writer
"Know your lines and don't bump into the furniture"
Spencer Tracy, Actor
"Before I came here, I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture, I am still confused. But on a higher level"
Enrico Fermi, Physicist
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
Eric Cantona, Athlete
"I like my coffee like I like my women: in a plastic cup"
Eddie Izzard, Comedian
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast"
Oscar Wilde, Dramatist
"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about"
Oscar Wilde, Dramatist
"When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff"
Cicero, Philosopher
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
"Bad news isn't wine. It doesn't improve with age"
Colin Powell, Statesman
"Republican comes in the dictionary just after reptile and just above repugnant"
Julia Roberts, Actress
"Diplomacy, n. is the art of letting somebody else have your way"
David Frost, Journalist
"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit"
William Shakespeare, Dramatist
"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read"
Winston Churchill, Statesman
"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different"
Kurt Vonnegut, Author
"The Falklands thing was a fight between two bald men over a comb"
Jorge Luis Borges, Poet
"Never trust a man, who, when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on"
Billy Connolly, Comedian
"A dimple on the chin, the devil within"
Pope Paul VI, Clergyman
"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when""
P. G. Wodehouse, Writer
"In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
Dan Castellaneta, Actor
"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them"
George H. W. Bush, President
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education"
Mark Twain, Author
"How can a president not be an actor?"
Ronald Reagan, President
"Tradition is the illusion of permanance"
Woody Allen, Director
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer"
Robert Frost, Poet
"There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts"
Charles Dickens, Novelist
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it"
Franklin P. Jones, Journalist
"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
"I love mankind; it's people I can't stand"
Charles M. Schulz, Cartoonist
"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
Phyllis Diller, Comedian
Previous page
Page 3 of 288
Next page
