Skip to main content
0
Quotes
People
Articles
SITE
Home
Quote of the Day
Handpicked
Guides
Occasions
Topics
Birthdays
ABOUT
About Us
Contact Us
Privacy Policy
Site Map
Subscribe
Guides
SITE
Home
Quote of the Day
Handpicked
Occasions
Topics
Birthdays
ABOUT
About Us
Contact Us
Privacy Policy
Site Map
Subscribe
Shortlist
0
Search FixQuotes
Search FixQuotes
Home
Quotes
Professions
Comedians (page 16)
Famous quotes by Comedians
Top 50
Quote of the Day
Finder
Topics
Handpicked
Nationalities
Professions
Random
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy"
Steven Wright, Comedian
"Religion is just mind control"
George Carlin, Comedian
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it"
George Carlin, Comedian
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth"
George Carlin, Comedian
"Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"I must have a drink of breakfast"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
"You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"Reality: What a concept!"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"Cricket is basically baseball on valium"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"Carpe per diem - seize the check"
Robin Williams, Comedian
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
Previous page
Page 16 of 116
Next page
See the complete list of comedian people
