Famous quotes by Comedians

"Chris Martin's a good friend of mine. I'm actually Apple's godfather. He's an old friend and we've been mates for quite a few years now"

Simon Pegg, Comedian

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going to fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why"

Eddie Cantor, Comedian

"I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at"

Kathy Griffin, Comedian

"Your instinct, rather than precision stabbing, is more about just random bludgeoning"

Simon Pegg, Comedian

"American audiences tend to be more expressive than British ones"

Simon Pegg, Comedian

"Is being an idiot like being high all the time?"

Janeane Garofalo, Comedian

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with"

Marty Feldman, Comedian

"You look at the floor and see the floor. I look at the floor and see molecules"

Dan Aykroyd, Comedian

"I've become fascinated by the idea that it's really achievable to make two or three small improvements in a week, and by the end of the year, it's 150 improvements"

Darrell Hammond, Comedian

"College kids, don't be taking examples from me"

Darrell Hammond, Comedian

"I always wanted to be an explorer, but - it seemed I was doomed to be nothing more than a very silly person"

Michael Palin, Comedian

"Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game"

Paul Rodriguez, Comedian

"Everybody really needs to laugh... If you don't laugh, you're not going to live long"

Paul Rodriguez, Comedian

"The whole world is out of step, apart from me"

Mark Thomas, Comedian

"The law is immoral"

Mark Thomas, Comedian

"People who don't use the tools given to them only injure themselves"

Debra Wilson, Comedian

"I face every project the same way - do it right and give 110%. 100% isn't good enough"

Debra Wilson, Comedian

"The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever"

Gilbert Gottfried, Comedian

"If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house"

Gilbert Gottfried, Comedian

"I grew up with a mother who, every time she saw something, would say, I'm going to look that up. And I've become that person - I've become the reference-book person"

Jennifer Saunders, Comedian

"People are still crazy about Python after twenty-five years, which I find hard to believe"

Michael Palin, Comedian

"There were a lot of areas we didn't cover that I'm hoping to cover if we do some specials. One is to see more of Patsy's home and her home life, which is just the saddest thing"

Jennifer Saunders, Comedian

"Upstate New York in the middle of October. You can't get more beautiful than that"

Paul Reiser, Comedian

"But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it's also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that's the thing I still can't get over"

Paul Reiser, Comedian

"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese"

Jay London, Comedian

"I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time"

Jay London, Comedian

"There is a single entendre, but I don't know about a triple one"

Julian Clary, Comedian

"The bullying was hideous and relentless, and we turned it round by making ourselves celebrities"

Julian Clary, Comedian

"In Canada you grow up - we're next to the United States. We're watching whatever you're watching. We're following your news. It's obvious that we are inundated with American cultural information and political information. Whereas the opposite is not true"

Rick Mercer, Comedian

"Do the unexpected. Take 20 minutes out of your day, do what young people all over the world are dying to do: vote"

Rick Mercer, Comedian

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