Famous quotes by Comedians

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it"

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them"

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest""

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger"

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station"

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge"

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"It isn't a matter of black is beautiful, as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful"

Bill Cosby, Comedian

"When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"One of the rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Most people, when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"A good way I know to find happiness is to not bore a hole to fit the plug"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return"

Josh Billings, Comedian

"The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout"

Josh Billings, Comedian

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