Famous quotes by Comedians

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life"

Rita Rudner, Comedian

"An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"The only real happiness a ballplayer has is when he is playing a ball game and accomplishes something he didn't think he could do"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"They gave each other a smile with a future in it"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done with out it"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor"

Ring Lardner, Comedian

"You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered"

Ron White, Comedian

"You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out"

Ron White, Comedian

"There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink Scotch. Then I got hooked on Scotch, and if you get hooked on Scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong"

Ron White, Comedian

"There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years"

Ron White, Comedian

"The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off!"

Ron White, Comedian

"People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic"

Ron White, Comedian

"Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... Mine's putting in an express lane"

Ron White, Comedian

"My goal is just to become a better comedian"

Ron White, Comedian

"I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine!"

Ron White, Comedian

"I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part"

Ron White, Comedian

"I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers"

Ron White, Comedian

"I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling"

Ron White, Comedian

"I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow"

Ron White, Comedian

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party"

Ron White, Comedian

"But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever"

Ron White, Comedian

"Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin"

Ron White, Comedian

"You see much more of your children once they leave home"

Lucille Ball, Comedian

"Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts"

Lucille Ball, Comedian

"Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush; otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt"

Lucille Ball, Comedian

"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn' t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself"

Lucille Ball, Comedian

"Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't"

Lucille Ball, Comedian

"In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by"

Lucille Ball, Comedian

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