Famous quotes by Comedians

"After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid"

Eddie Izzard, Comedian

"Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street, and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present, then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death!"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated"

Robert Benchley, Comedian

"Never put a sock in a toaster"

Eddie Izzard, Comedian

"MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic!"

Eddie Izzard, Comedian

"They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'"

Eddie Izzard, Comedian

"Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

"I don't like anything in the mainstream, and they don't like me"

Bill Hicks, Comedian

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