Famous quotes by Comedians

"I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"I don't like money, actually, but it quiets the nerves"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people"

Joe E. Lewis, Comedian

"Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples"

Graham Chapman, Comedian

"Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable"

Graham Chapman, Comedian

"It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed, I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think?"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show"

Graham Chapman, Comedian

"I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets"

Graham Chapman, Comedian

"The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I practice safe sex - I use an airbag"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"World War II... Did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us"

Graham Chapman, Comedian

"I hope I will have achieved something lasting"

Graham Chapman, Comedian

"Without comedy as a defense mechanism, I wouldn't be able to survive"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

"I like going into nature, and that's where I'm happiest"

Garry Shandling, Comedian

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