"I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes"

"Better one's House be too little one day than too big all the Year after"

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things"

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days"

"We do not remember days, we remember moments"

"The man is happiest who lives from day to day and asks no more, garnering the simple goodness of life"

"I weep for the liberty of my country when I see at this early day of its successful experiment that corruption has been imputed to many members of the House of Representatives, and the rights of the people have been bartered for promises of office"

"Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15"

"It isn't hard to be good from time to time in sports. What's tough is being good every day"

"There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk"

"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it"