"A gentleman has his eyes on all those present; he is tender toward the bashful, gentle toward the distant, and merciful toward the absent"
About this Quote
Lovasik’s “gentleman” isn’t a brand of masculinity so much as a moral surveillance system: “has his eyes on all those present” reads like attentive courtesy, but it also signals accountability. In a clerical context, attention is ethical labor. You don’t get to be kind only when it’s easy, only to the people who reward you for it, only to those who can clap back.
The triad that follows is carefully chosen social physics. “Tender toward the bashful” targets the people most likely to disappear in a room: the shy, the anxious, the socially underpowered. Tenderness is not mere politeness; it’s an active softening of the world so someone else can occupy it. “Gentle toward the distant” expands that obligation beyond the inner circle. Distance can be social class, unfamiliarity, or even ideological chill. Gentleness here is a refusal to punish someone for not already belonging.
Then comes the sharpest demand: “merciful toward the absent.” That’s where most reputations die. Lovasik is naming the real test of character: how you behave when there’s no social cost. Mercy toward the absent is anti-gossip, anti-casual cruelty, anti-the cheap bonding ritual of tearing down a third party. Subtext: civility isn’t performance, it’s restraint.
The intent is pastoral and disciplinary at once. It sketches a code of conduct for community life, where holiness shows up less as grand declarations and more as small protections offered to the vulnerable, the peripheral, and the undefended.
The triad that follows is carefully chosen social physics. “Tender toward the bashful” targets the people most likely to disappear in a room: the shy, the anxious, the socially underpowered. Tenderness is not mere politeness; it’s an active softening of the world so someone else can occupy it. “Gentle toward the distant” expands that obligation beyond the inner circle. Distance can be social class, unfamiliarity, or even ideological chill. Gentleness here is a refusal to punish someone for not already belonging.
Then comes the sharpest demand: “merciful toward the absent.” That’s where most reputations die. Lovasik is naming the real test of character: how you behave when there’s no social cost. Mercy toward the absent is anti-gossip, anti-casual cruelty, anti-the cheap bonding ritual of tearing down a third party. Subtext: civility isn’t performance, it’s restraint.
The intent is pastoral and disciplinary at once. It sketches a code of conduct for community life, where holiness shows up less as grand declarations and more as small protections offered to the vulnerable, the peripheral, and the undefended.
Quote Details
| Topic | Kindness |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
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