"A quarrel between friends, when made up, adds a new tie to friendship"
About this Quote
Friendship, Saint Francis de Sales suggests, is not a porcelain figurine you keep intact by never touching it. It is a practiced relationship, strengthened precisely where it’s been stressed. The line reframes conflict as a kind of spiritual calisthenics: a quarrel is not proof of failure, but raw material for a deeper bond - if, and only if, it’s “made up.” That clause matters. He’s not romanticizing drama; he’s elevating repair.
As a Catholic bishop writing in the churn of post-Reformation Europe, de Sales is steeped in a moral vocabulary where reconciliation is not a vibe but a discipline. His era is full of faction, doctrinal splitting, civic violence - the social fabric literally tearing. In that context, the idea that rupture can yield “a new tie” reads like pastoral triage: don’t flee disagreement, learn to metabolize it into charity. The subtext is a warning against two common sins dressed up as virtue: avoidance (calling it peace) and pride (calling it principle).
The phrase “adds” is quietly shrewd. You don’t return to the old friendship; you build a revised one, with new knowledge of each other’s limits, triggers, and loyalty under strain. Repair creates evidence. It proves both friends can survive discomfort without reaching for exile. In modern terms, the quote is an argument for conflict literacy: the ability to fight, apologize, and renegotiate the terms of closeness without turning every rupture into a referendum on the relationship.
As a Catholic bishop writing in the churn of post-Reformation Europe, de Sales is steeped in a moral vocabulary where reconciliation is not a vibe but a discipline. His era is full of faction, doctrinal splitting, civic violence - the social fabric literally tearing. In that context, the idea that rupture can yield “a new tie” reads like pastoral triage: don’t flee disagreement, learn to metabolize it into charity. The subtext is a warning against two common sins dressed up as virtue: avoidance (calling it peace) and pride (calling it principle).
The phrase “adds” is quietly shrewd. You don’t return to the old friendship; you build a revised one, with new knowledge of each other’s limits, triggers, and loyalty under strain. Repair creates evidence. It proves both friends can survive discomfort without reaching for exile. In modern terms, the quote is an argument for conflict literacy: the ability to fight, apologize, and renegotiate the terms of closeness without turning every rupture into a referendum on the relationship.
Quote Details
| Topic | Friendship |
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