"All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone"
About this Quote
A seventeenth-century moralist doesn’t lob a line like this to comfort you; he’s indicting you. La Bruyere’s aphorism is engineered to sting because it reframes “unhappiness” not as bad luck, unjust rulers, or fragile nerves, but as a social dependency so basic we barely register it. The target is the restless courtly world he knew: a culture of salons, patronage, gossip, and performance, where solitude wasn’t a wellness practice but a failure of status. If you can’t be alone, you’re always auditioning, always bargaining for attention, always vulnerable to the crowd’s verdict.
The intent is diagnostic, almost clinical. “Inability” suggests a skill deficit, not a circumstance. Being alone is treated as a capacity like judgment or taste: something the mature cultivate and the shallow lack. The subtext is harsher: our need for company often isn’t love of others but flight from ourselves. When silence arrives, the mind has no audience to charm and no noise to hide behind; it has to meet its own boredom, regret, envy, or emptiness head-on.
The line works because it collapses a sprawling catalog of misery into one humiliating source: cowardice in the face of interior life. It also carries a political edge. A populace unable to tolerate solitude is easy to steer with spectacle, scandal, and constant chatter. In La Bruyere’s world, that meant court intrigue and social theater; in ours, it reads like a prophecy about the attention economy. The cruelty is the point: if unhappiness is learned dependence, then happiness demands the unglamorous discipline of self-company.
The intent is diagnostic, almost clinical. “Inability” suggests a skill deficit, not a circumstance. Being alone is treated as a capacity like judgment or taste: something the mature cultivate and the shallow lack. The subtext is harsher: our need for company often isn’t love of others but flight from ourselves. When silence arrives, the mind has no audience to charm and no noise to hide behind; it has to meet its own boredom, regret, envy, or emptiness head-on.
The line works because it collapses a sprawling catalog of misery into one humiliating source: cowardice in the face of interior life. It also carries a political edge. A populace unable to tolerate solitude is easy to steer with spectacle, scandal, and constant chatter. In La Bruyere’s world, that meant court intrigue and social theater; in ours, it reads like a prophecy about the attention economy. The cruelty is the point: if unhappiness is learned dependence, then happiness demands the unglamorous discipline of self-company.
Quote Details
| Topic | Loneliness |
|---|---|
| Source | Jean de La Bruyère, Les Caractères (The Characters), 1688 — commonly cited source for the quotation often rendered in English as “All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone.” |
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