"And sometimes to help them we have got to help ourselves"

Struggles in life are a shared human experience, and the desire to lift up others, especially those we care about, runs deep. Frequently, empathy moves us to act, to give, and to help. Yet, as Stevie Ray Vaughan suggests, sometimes real help begins within. When we are emotionally or physically depleted, our well-intentioned attempts to support others can falter or even backfire. We may offer advice we do not follow ourselves, or extend energy we do not possess, leading to frustration or burnout.

True support, then, is closely tied to self-care and self-awareness. The foundation of being genuinely helpful is found in tending to our own well-being. It is only when we are healthy, balanced, and self-aware that we can offer meaningful assistance. This could mean maintaining healthy boundaries, acknowledging our own vulnerabilities, or seeking help when we’re struggling. When we model self-care, we teach by example, showing others that it is not selfish to look after one’s own mental and emotional health. Rather, it is a necessary part of being fully present and truly supportive for those around us.

Helping ourselves is not about neglecting others, nor does it mean turning inward to the exclusion of the world. Instead, it’s an acceptance of the idea that care is most effective when it is genuinely resourced. Just as a musician cannot give a powerful performance if their own instrument is out of tune, we often cannot guide others through pain or trouble if we neglect our own needs. The act of self-support becomes a compassionate act for those we wish to help, ensuring that our efforts come from a place of strength and sincerity. By tending to ourselves, we cultivate the capability to be a source of strength, encouragement, and real help to others.