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Leadership Quote by George Washington

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence"

About this Quote

Courtesy is Washington’s velvet glove; control is the iron hand inside it. On the surface, he’s offering a clean piece of republican etiquette: treat everyone decently, keep your inner circle small, vet them hard. The deeper intent is governance-by-boundary. In a young nation where reputations were currency and politics ran on personal loyalty, “intimate with few” reads less like shyness than strategy: a warning that access is power, and power attracts opportunists.

The subtext is shaped by Washington’s entire career as a reluctant icon forced to manage ambition around him. He had watched factions form, watched wartime alliances fray, watched the costs of misplaced trust. “Well tried” is the key phrase: trust is not owed, it’s stress-tested. It’s also a quiet rebuke to charisma and impulsive camaraderie. Washington isn’t romantic about friendship; he’s managerial. Even intimacy is treated like an appointment you earn.

Context matters because early American political culture was intensely interpersonal. There were few stable institutions, no long-established parties at the start, and constant anxiety that the Revolution could be undone by vanity, foreign influence, or internal sabotage. Washington’s advice functions as civic self-defense: keep the public square civil so the experiment doesn’t devolve into vendetta, but don’t confuse politeness with permission. It’s a blueprint for leadership in a fragile republic: be accessible enough to unify, guarded enough to survive.

Quote Details

TopicFriendship
Source
Verified source: From George Washington to Bushrod Washington (15 Jan 1783) (George Washington, 1783)
Text match: 95.00%   Provider: Cross-Reference
Evidence:
Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence, true friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo & withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.. Primary-source occurrence in George Washington’s own correspondence: a letter written at Newburgh on 15 January 1783 to his nephew Bushrod Washington. This is the earliest verified original phrasing of the quote I can confirm directly in Washington’s writings via Founders Online. Founders Online flags this transcription as an “Early Access” version from The Papers of George Washington (not the final authoritative edited volume), and it does not supply a printed-volume page number on the web page.
Other candidates (1)
Wisdom Well Said (2009) compilation96.2%
375. Washington. on. Friendship. George Washington (1732-1799), the first President of the United States wrote the .....
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Citation Formats

APA Style (7th ed.)
Washington, George. (2026, February 12). Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/be-courteous-to-all-but-intimate-with-few-and-let-13746/

Chicago Style
Washington, George. "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." FixQuotes. February 12, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/be-courteous-to-all-but-intimate-with-few-and-let-13746/.

MLA Style (9th ed.)
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." FixQuotes, 12 Feb. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/be-courteous-to-all-but-intimate-with-few-and-let-13746/. Accessed 19 Feb. 2026.

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Be courteous to all but intimate with few - George Washington
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George Washington

George Washington (February 22, 1732 - December 14, 1799) was a President from USA.

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