"But it's important, while we are supporting lessons in respecting others, to remember that many of our youngest kids need to learn to respect themselves. You learn your worth from the way you are treated"
About this Quote
Quindlen slips a quiet provocation into the language of good manners. The opening nod to “respecting others” sounds like standard civic wallpaper - the sort of thing schools, parents, and public campaigns can all applaud. Then she pivots: the real emergency isn’t kids failing at etiquette; it’s kids being trained, early, to tolerate disrespect. That turn reframes “respect” from something children owe the world into something the world owes children.
The line “many of our youngest kids need to learn to respect themselves” reads at first like self-esteem rhetoric, but the next sentence sharpens it into an indictment of adult behavior. “You learn your worth from the way you are treated” rejects the comforting myth that confidence is purely internal, willed into existence by pep talks. It’s social. It’s cumulative. Worth gets taught through tone, attention, boundaries, and whose pain is taken seriously.
The subtext is about power: children don’t get to choose their environments, and they absorb the rules of their place in it. If the adults in charge minimize them, shame them, ignore them, or handle them roughly, “self-respect” becomes less a virtue than a privilege. In a culture that loves telling kids to be resilient, Quindlen is pointing to the upstream cause: chronic disrespect doesn’t just bruise feelings; it scripts what they will later accept from teachers, partners, bosses, and institutions.
As a journalist, Quindlen’s intent isn’t to coin a mantra; it’s to redirect responsibility. The adults preaching respect are often the ones modeling its absence.
The line “many of our youngest kids need to learn to respect themselves” reads at first like self-esteem rhetoric, but the next sentence sharpens it into an indictment of adult behavior. “You learn your worth from the way you are treated” rejects the comforting myth that confidence is purely internal, willed into existence by pep talks. It’s social. It’s cumulative. Worth gets taught through tone, attention, boundaries, and whose pain is taken seriously.
The subtext is about power: children don’t get to choose their environments, and they absorb the rules of their place in it. If the adults in charge minimize them, shame them, ignore them, or handle them roughly, “self-respect” becomes less a virtue than a privilege. In a culture that loves telling kids to be resilient, Quindlen is pointing to the upstream cause: chronic disrespect doesn’t just bruise feelings; it scripts what they will later accept from teachers, partners, bosses, and institutions.
As a journalist, Quindlen’s intent isn’t to coin a mantra; it’s to redirect responsibility. The adults preaching respect are often the ones modeling its absence.
Quote Details
| Topic | Self-Love |
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