"Children who are accustomed to being treated well internalize that treatment and have a permanent sense of well-being. But children whose every need is instantly gratified and who are constantly praised to the skies do not have the same sense of well-being; rather, they may feel despair or rage when that gratification is withheld, or when everyone doesn't glorify them in the same way"
About this Quote
Then she pivots, almost slyly, to a critique of the modern shortcut to that baseline: instant gratification and extravagant praise. The subtext is that these tactics can mimic love while actually teaching a more brittle lesson - that comfort arrives on demand, and esteem is something the world owes you. The phrase “praised to the skies” isn’t clinical; it’s faintly satirical, suggesting inflation, hype, a ballooning of the self that can’t survive ordinary air.
Her most pointed move is the emotional consequence: not sadness, but “despair or rage.” Those are adult-sized reactions to a child-sized disappointment, and that’s the warning. If a kid’s sense of self is built on constant applause, the first uncooperative teacher, uninterested peer group, or indifferent workplace doesn’t just feel unfair - it feels like collapse or humiliation.
Context matters: Secunda wrote in an era increasingly preoccupied with self-esteem as a social project. This quote pushes back, insisting that true well-being comes from consistent respect and limits, not from turning childhood into a customer-service desk.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Secunda, Victoria. (2026, February 16). Children who are accustomed to being treated well internalize that treatment and have a permanent sense of well-being. But children whose every need is instantly gratified and who are constantly praised to the skies do not have the same sense of well-being; rather, they may feel despair or rage when that gratification is withheld, or when everyone doesn't glorify them in the same way. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/children-who-are-accustomed-to-being-treated-well-173153/
Chicago Style
Secunda, Victoria. "Children who are accustomed to being treated well internalize that treatment and have a permanent sense of well-being. But children whose every need is instantly gratified and who are constantly praised to the skies do not have the same sense of well-being; rather, they may feel despair or rage when that gratification is withheld, or when everyone doesn't glorify them in the same way." FixQuotes. February 16, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/children-who-are-accustomed-to-being-treated-well-173153/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"Children who are accustomed to being treated well internalize that treatment and have a permanent sense of well-being. But children whose every need is instantly gratified and who are constantly praised to the skies do not have the same sense of well-being; rather, they may feel despair or rage when that gratification is withheld, or when everyone doesn't glorify them in the same way." FixQuotes, 16 Feb. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/children-who-are-accustomed-to-being-treated-well-173153/. Accessed 21 Feb. 2026.
