"Few enjoy noisy overcrowded functions. But they are a gesture of goodwill on the part of host or hostess, and also on the part of guests who submit to them"
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Hurst nails a social truth most etiquette manuals politely sidestep: the party isn’t for pleasure so much as proof. “Few enjoy” is a sly opening gambit, puncturing the fantasy that crowded gatherings are inherently fun. The sentence turns quickly into a transactional anatomy of goodwill, where everyone is both debtor and creditor. The host “gestures” hospitality by staging abundance; the guest “gestures” appreciation by enduring it. That last verb, “submit,” is the tell. It recasts attendance as a mild form of civic duty, a small surrender to the demands of belonging.
The intent isn’t to sneer at community; it’s to expose the mechanics of it. Hurst treats social life as a ritual economy: affection is expressed less through private sincerity than through public performance, preferably in a room too loud to permit real conversation. Overcrowding becomes the point. A packed function signals you’re connected, you’re generous, you’re in demand. Even discomfort reads as evidence of a thriving network.
Context matters: Hurst’s career spans the era of mass urbanization, department-store modernity, and the rise of women as professional social managers. “Host or hostess” carries the gendered labor embedded in entertaining, while “guests who submit” hints at the pressure to reciprocate invitations, keep up appearances, and be seen being friendly. The line holds up because it doesn’t romanticize manners; it frames them as mutual concessions that keep the social machine running.
The intent isn’t to sneer at community; it’s to expose the mechanics of it. Hurst treats social life as a ritual economy: affection is expressed less through private sincerity than through public performance, preferably in a room too loud to permit real conversation. Overcrowding becomes the point. A packed function signals you’re connected, you’re generous, you’re in demand. Even discomfort reads as evidence of a thriving network.
Context matters: Hurst’s career spans the era of mass urbanization, department-store modernity, and the rise of women as professional social managers. “Host or hostess” carries the gendered labor embedded in entertaining, while “guests who submit” hints at the pressure to reciprocate invitations, keep up appearances, and be seen being friendly. The line holds up because it doesn’t romanticize manners; it frames them as mutual concessions that keep the social machine running.
Quote Details
| Topic | Kindness |
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