"I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone"
About this Quote
The line works because it flatters and indicts at once. "As slick as a sonnet" is a gorgeous piece of self-mythmaking, suggesting that if she could just switch off these irritations, her life would have the polished inevitability of art. Then she undercuts herself: "but as dull as ditch water". That reversal is the engine. Bankhead isn’t chasing peace; she’s addicted to friction. The supposed cure would erase the very drama that makes her feel real.
The subtext is performance as survival. Hating to go to bed and get up reads like someone in constant negotiation with routine, the enemy of celebrity and appetite. "I hate to be alone" is the dagger, and also the tell: the need for an audience, not just professionally but psychically. In the context of Bankhead’s larger persona - the fast-living, wisecracking Broadway and Hollywood figure who made glamour look like defiance - solitude isn’t restorative; it’s exposure. The joke protects the vulnerability, and the vulnerability gives the joke its bite.
Quote Details
| Topic | Witty One-Liners |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Bankhead, Tallulah. (2026, January 18). I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-have-three-phobias-which-could-i-mute-them-13869/
Chicago Style
Bankhead, Tallulah. "I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone." FixQuotes. January 18, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-have-three-phobias-which-could-i-mute-them-13869/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone." FixQuotes, 18 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-have-three-phobias-which-could-i-mute-them-13869/. Accessed 21 Feb. 2026.








