"I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - except by getting off his back"
About this Quote
The intent is to indict a very specific modern reflex: moral self-soothing. The rider “assure[s] myself and others” is doing social PR as much as inner therapy, performing sympathy to launder guilt. The subtext is that benevolence can be a technique of control. If I frame myself as the helper, I keep the power to decide what counts as help, which conveniently never includes surrendering the advantage that makes me the helper in the first place.
Context matters: Tolstoy wrote as an aristocrat turned moral radical in late imperial Russia, a society built on the afterlife of serfdom and an economy of the many carrying the few. His later writing relentlessly attacked property, state violence, and institutional religion for blessing inequality while preaching virtue. This line is aimed at the comfortable classes who fund soup kitchens and sponsor “improvements” while refusing to touch the structure: land ownership, labor extraction, the coercive order behind “normal life.”
What makes it work is its refusal to negotiate. No policy menu, no gradualism. Just one devastating standard for sincerity: if you won’t get off his back, your sympathy is part of the weight.
Quote Details
| Topic | Ethics & Morality |
|---|---|
| Source | Unverified source: What Then Must We Do? (Leo Tolstoy, 1886)
Evidence: “I sit on a man's back choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am sorry for him and wish to lighten his load by all means possible… except by getting off his back.” (null). This wording is widely attributed to Tolstoy’s essay/book commonly published in English... Other candidates (1) The Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotations (Connie Robertson, 1998) compilation99.4% ... I sit on a man's back , choking him and making him carry me , and yet assure myself and others that I am very sor... |
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Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Tolstoy, Leo. (2026, February 15). I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - except by getting off his back. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-sit-on-a-mans-back-choking-him-and-making-him-32526/
Chicago Style
Tolstoy, Leo. "I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - except by getting off his back." FixQuotes. February 15, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-sit-on-a-mans-back-choking-him-and-making-him-32526/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - except by getting off his back." FixQuotes, 15 Feb. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-sit-on-a-mans-back-choking-him-and-making-him-32526/. Accessed 19 Feb. 2026.










