"I used to lie between cool, clean sheets at night after I'd had a bath, after I had washed my hair and scrubbed my knuckles and finger-nails and teeth. Then I could lie quite still in the dark with my face to the window with the trees in it, and talk to God"
About this Quote
There is a quiet daring in how Farmer makes ritual feel like resistance. The scene is almost aggressively ordinary: bath, hair washed, nails scrubbed, teeth clean. But the piling up of specifics reads less like vanity than like purification-as-armor, a way to earn stillness in a life that rarely granted it. Clean sheets and scrubbed knuckles are not aesthetic details; they’re proof of agency. In a world that handled her body, her reputation, and eventually her mind as public property, the ability to decide what touches her skin becomes a private kind of power.
Then she turns her face to the window. That small pivot matters. She doesn’t pray in a posture of obedience, eyes folded inward; she orients toward trees, toward something living and indifferent to celebrity and scandal. The dark becomes protective rather than frightening, a place where performance ends. “Talk to God” lands deliberately casual, conversational, not churchy. It implies a relationship built on candor, maybe bargaining, maybe confession, maybe just the relief of being heard without being judged.
Farmer’s biography shadows every word: a talented actress who collided with Hollywood’s machinery and paid for her noncompliance, later mythologized through stories of institutional abuse. Read against that backdrop, this isn’t quaint spirituality. It’s a snapshot of the one room where she could be clean, quiet, unacted-upon, and still herself. God, here, doubles as an imagined witness - a counter-audience that won’t twist her into a headline.
Then she turns her face to the window. That small pivot matters. She doesn’t pray in a posture of obedience, eyes folded inward; she orients toward trees, toward something living and indifferent to celebrity and scandal. The dark becomes protective rather than frightening, a place where performance ends. “Talk to God” lands deliberately casual, conversational, not churchy. It implies a relationship built on candor, maybe bargaining, maybe confession, maybe just the relief of being heard without being judged.
Farmer’s biography shadows every word: a talented actress who collided with Hollywood’s machinery and paid for her noncompliance, later mythologized through stories of institutional abuse. Read against that backdrop, this isn’t quaint spirituality. It’s a snapshot of the one room where she could be clean, quiet, unacted-upon, and still herself. God, here, doubles as an imagined witness - a counter-audience that won’t twist her into a headline.
Quote Details
| Topic | Prayer |
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