"I wish we could do something useful with tobacco - like making fertilizer out of it"
About this Quote
The joke works because it’s a deliberate category shift. Tobacco is treated like an agricultural input rather than a consumer good. Fertilizer is the punchline because it’s the opposite of glamour: earthy, useful, and frankly a little disgusting. That’s the subtextual insult. Smoking isn’t just risky; it’s an absurd use of resources, like burning cash for heat while your roof leaks.
White’s context matters. He practiced through the decades when cigarettes were normalized, aggressively marketed, and even tacitly endorsed by parts of the medical establishment. Before public health campaigns made smoking socially radioactive, persuasion had to slip through defenses. Humor becomes a scalpel: it cuts without triggering the reflexive backlash that sermons invite.
The intent is utilitarian and reputational at once. White isn’t merely warning about disease; he’s reassigning social status. By imagining tobacco’s “highest use” as fertilizer, he reframes smoking as backward, anti-modern, and intellectually embarrassing - a habit unworthy of a society that prides itself on progress and evidence.
Quote Details
| Topic | Witty One-Liners |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite | Cite this Quote |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
White, Paul Dudley. (n.d.). I wish we could do something useful with tobacco - like making fertilizer out of it. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-wish-we-could-do-something-useful-with-tobacco-159434/
Chicago Style
White, Paul Dudley. "I wish we could do something useful with tobacco - like making fertilizer out of it." FixQuotes. Accessed February 1, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-wish-we-could-do-something-useful-with-tobacco-159434/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"I wish we could do something useful with tobacco - like making fertilizer out of it." FixQuotes, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/i-wish-we-could-do-something-useful-with-tobacco-159434/. Accessed 1 Feb. 2026.


