"If we did not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others could never harm us"
About this Quote
The line lands like a dagger wrapped in velvet: other people’s praise only becomes dangerous when it finds a ready-made vacancy in our own self-image. La Rochefoucauld isn’t warning against flattery because it’s false; he’s warning because it’s efficient. It travels on a private infrastructure we’ve already built - the quiet habit of flattering ourselves, of believing we deserve more virtue, more insight, more importance than the record supports. External flattery doesn’t invent vanity. It rents it.
The subtext is characteristically Rochefoucauld: moral life is less a battle between good and evil than a constant negotiation with self-love. If you’re genuinely clear-eyed about your motives and limits, praise can’t bribe you into a worse version of yourself. But if you’re already invested in a flattering story about who you are, someone else’s compliment doesn’t just feel good; it confirms an identity you’re eager to protect. That’s how flattery “harms”: it makes you pliable, easier to steer, more willing to trade honesty for the comfort of being admired.
Context matters. Writing in 17th-century France, amid salon culture, court patronage, and a politics lubricated by etiquette, La Rochefoucauld saw flattery as a social technology - a way to win influence without force. His insight still scans: the most manipulative compliments aren’t the grand ones, but the tailored ones that match what we’re already trying to believe. The antidote he offers isn’t cynicism about others. It’s suspicion about the self.
The subtext is characteristically Rochefoucauld: moral life is less a battle between good and evil than a constant negotiation with self-love. If you’re genuinely clear-eyed about your motives and limits, praise can’t bribe you into a worse version of yourself. But if you’re already invested in a flattering story about who you are, someone else’s compliment doesn’t just feel good; it confirms an identity you’re eager to protect. That’s how flattery “harms”: it makes you pliable, easier to steer, more willing to trade honesty for the comfort of being admired.
Context matters. Writing in 17th-century France, amid salon culture, court patronage, and a politics lubricated by etiquette, La Rochefoucauld saw flattery as a social technology - a way to win influence without force. His insight still scans: the most manipulative compliments aren’t the grand ones, but the tailored ones that match what we’re already trying to believe. The antidote he offers isn’t cynicism about others. It’s suspicion about the self.
Quote Details
| Topic | Humility |
|---|---|
| Source | La Rochefoucauld, Francois de — Maxims (Maximes). Commonly rendered: "If we did not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others could never harm us." French: "Si nous ne nous flattions pas, la flatterie des autres ne pourrait jamais nous faire de mal." |
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