"In the beginning, I was searching for myself in my music. My music was for me. I didn't have the mental room to be conscious of the listener; I wrote to save myself"
About this Quote
The line about lacking “mental room” does more than excuse early self-absorption. It names a psychological bandwidth problem, positioning artistry as something that can be constrained by trauma, isolation, or sheer overwhelm. In pop culture, “thinking of the listener” is often sold as professionalism. Hamasaki flips it: the inability to cater isn’t immaturity, it’s honesty under duress. The subtext is that authenticity isn’t a branding choice; it’s what happens when there’s no energy left for calculation.
Context matters: Hamasaki became a defining voice of late-90s/early-2000s J-pop, a period when idol polish and commercial choreography could eclipse interiority. Her insistence that the work began as self-rescue retroactively legitimizes the melodrama and confession in her catalog as necessity, not affectation. It also explains her bond with fans: listeners didn’t get pandered to; they arrived as witnesses. That’s a different kind of pop contract, built on intimacy rather than strategy.
Quote Details
| Topic | Music |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Hamasaki, Ayumi. (2026, January 15). In the beginning, I was searching for myself in my music. My music was for me. I didn't have the mental room to be conscious of the listener; I wrote to save myself. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/in-the-beginning-i-was-searching-for-myself-in-my-170528/
Chicago Style
Hamasaki, Ayumi. "In the beginning, I was searching for myself in my music. My music was for me. I didn't have the mental room to be conscious of the listener; I wrote to save myself." FixQuotes. January 15, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/in-the-beginning-i-was-searching-for-myself-in-my-170528/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"In the beginning, I was searching for myself in my music. My music was for me. I didn't have the mental room to be conscious of the listener; I wrote to save myself." FixQuotes, 15 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/in-the-beginning-i-was-searching-for-myself-in-my-170528/. Accessed 22 Feb. 2026.



