"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others"
About this Quote
Harris is smuggling a hard psychological truth into the plain, no-nonsense cadence of newspaper prose: your social world is often just your self-image wearing different costumes. The line starts with “It’s surprising,” a deceptively gentle opener that doubles as an indictment. If this is “surprising,” it’s because we prefer the flattering story that our judgments are objective and our relationships are about other people. Harris punctures that self-myth without sounding like a therapist or a moralist.
The intent is corrective. He’s not celebrating introspection for its own sake; he’s warning that a shaky inner life leaks outward as misread motives, defensive postures, and a hair-trigger for envy or contempt. The subtext is that “feelings toward other people” aren’t reliable data about them; they’re often projections, rehearsals of old insecurities, or attempts to outsource self-acceptance. That’s why the sentence hinges on “largely determined.” He leaves room for genuine conflict and real harm, but insists the baseline is internal.
Context matters: Harris wrote in mid-century America, when “getting along” was a civic virtue and public optimism was practically mandatory. Against that backdrop, “comfortable within yourself” reads like a quiet rebuke to the era’s pressure to perform stability. The final clause lands like a rule, not a consolation: discomfort isn’t just private pain, it’s a social pollutant. Harris’s craft is making self-knowledge sound less like navel-gazing and more like basic public hygiene.
The intent is corrective. He’s not celebrating introspection for its own sake; he’s warning that a shaky inner life leaks outward as misread motives, defensive postures, and a hair-trigger for envy or contempt. The subtext is that “feelings toward other people” aren’t reliable data about them; they’re often projections, rehearsals of old insecurities, or attempts to outsource self-acceptance. That’s why the sentence hinges on “largely determined.” He leaves room for genuine conflict and real harm, but insists the baseline is internal.
Context matters: Harris wrote in mid-century America, when “getting along” was a civic virtue and public optimism was practically mandatory. Against that backdrop, “comfortable within yourself” reads like a quiet rebuke to the era’s pressure to perform stability. The final clause lands like a rule, not a consolation: discomfort isn’t just private pain, it’s a social pollutant. Harris’s craft is making self-knowledge sound less like navel-gazing and more like basic public hygiene.
Quote Details
| Topic | Self-Love |
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