"It's toughest to forgive ourselves. So it's probably best to start with other people. It's almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself"
About this Quote
The cleverness is in the workaround. Instead of commanding self-love on demand, she proposes a kind of emotional misdirection: start by forgiving other people. That’s not sainthood; it’s practice. Forgiveness becomes a skill you rehearse in lower-stakes scenes before you attempt the performance that terrifies you most. The subtext is pragmatic and slightly unsentimental: you can’t always argue yourself into self-compassion, but you can build the muscles for it through outward action.
The onion metaphor does real work because it captures how memory and shame operate. You don’t “resolve” regret; you unstick it in layers, and it makes you cry while you’re doing it. Each layer of forgiving others quietly chips away at the story that you’re uniquely unforgivable. Duke’s intent feels less like moral instruction than a map out of self-punishment: start where your hands can reach, and let that motion eventually turn inward.
Quote Details
| Topic | Forgiveness |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Duke, Patty. (2026, January 15). It's toughest to forgive ourselves. So it's probably best to start with other people. It's almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/its-toughest-to-forgive-ourselves-so-its-probably-151935/
Chicago Style
Duke, Patty. "It's toughest to forgive ourselves. So it's probably best to start with other people. It's almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself." FixQuotes. January 15, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/its-toughest-to-forgive-ourselves-so-its-probably-151935/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"It's toughest to forgive ourselves. So it's probably best to start with other people. It's almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself." FixQuotes, 15 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/its-toughest-to-forgive-ourselves-so-its-probably-151935/. Accessed 12 Feb. 2026.







