"Real love is a pilgrimage. It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists"

Real love is likened to a pilgrimage, an arduous, transformative journey often undertaken for deep personal or spiritual reasons, rather than for pleasure or gain. The essence of a pilgrimage lies in its purity of intent; it is motivated by faith, devotion, or the pursuit of meaning. Love, in the same vein, is depicted as something undertaken with openness, humility, and a willingness to be changed along the way. There is an absence of calculation, expectation, or manipulation, no agenda besides the journey itself and the connection emerging from it.

Brookner’s assertion that most people are “strategists” highlights the tendency to approach relationships with calculated intentions and expectations. People may seek love for security, validation, social status, or fear of loneliness, turning what could be a raw and genuine connection into a game of tactics, compromises, and negotiations. When strategy dominates, partners position themselves to gain or prevent loss, constantly weighing risk and advantage. The relationship is measured and managed, often leading to guardedness rather than vulnerability.

Real love, then, becomes rare because it calls for giving oneself freely, trusting the process, and relinquishing the comfort of control. Human nature typically yearns for safety and predictability, which are provided by strategies. Yet, pilgrimage demands surrender; it involves moving forward into the unknown, embracing risk, and accepting that outcomes cannot be guaranteed. In love, this means letting go of preconceived notions about how things should unfold.

True connection flourishes when both partners are present without reservation or manipulation, willing to experience both the joys and pains of a journey whose full route is unknowable. Love that arises from such a place is transformative, just as a pilgrimage transforms the pilgrim, it is rare because it submits to truth over advantage, sincerity over ambition, and trust over strategy.