"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small"
About this Quote
A perfect one-liner for the modern condition: disgusted and still somehow aggrieved you’re not getting more of what you hate. Woody Allen’s joke runs on a clean piece of self-contradiction, but the target isn’t the restaurant. It’s the human impulse to treat dissatisfaction as a lifestyle rather than a signal to leave.
The first clause is blunt, almost apocalyptic in its tiny way: “terrible” is an overreach that signals we’re in comic territory, not Yelp realism. Then comes the pivot, the real punch: “and the portions are too small.” Suddenly the speaker reveals they planned to keep eating. The complaint isn’t about quality but entitlement; not “I won’t eat this,” but “I deserve more of it.” That reversal exposes a familiar bargain: we accept mediocrity because we’re attached to the ritual, the validation, the idea that we’re owed a better version of the same thing.
Allen’s persona (the anxious, neurotic urban intellectual) matters here. This is Borscht Belt DNA filtered through mid-century Manhattan pessimism: the joke turns complaint into identity, a kind of social currency. In context, it’s also a neat capsule of consumer culture’s double bind. We’re trained to evaluate everything, constantly, yet we keep participating even when the experience disappoints. The line lands because it’s not just funny; it’s an unflattering mirror. The tragedy, if there is one, is how recognizable the voice is: unhappy, hungry, and weirdly committed to staying that way.
The first clause is blunt, almost apocalyptic in its tiny way: “terrible” is an overreach that signals we’re in comic territory, not Yelp realism. Then comes the pivot, the real punch: “and the portions are too small.” Suddenly the speaker reveals they planned to keep eating. The complaint isn’t about quality but entitlement; not “I won’t eat this,” but “I deserve more of it.” That reversal exposes a familiar bargain: we accept mediocrity because we’re attached to the ritual, the validation, the idea that we’re owed a better version of the same thing.
Allen’s persona (the anxious, neurotic urban intellectual) matters here. This is Borscht Belt DNA filtered through mid-century Manhattan pessimism: the joke turns complaint into identity, a kind of social currency. In context, it’s also a neat capsule of consumer culture’s double bind. We’re trained to evaluate everything, constantly, yet we keep participating even when the experience disappoints. The line lands because it’s not just funny; it’s an unflattering mirror. The tragedy, if there is one, is how recognizable the voice is: unhappy, hungry, and weirdly committed to staying that way.
Quote Details
| Topic | Food |
|---|---|
| Source | Later attribution: The Indispensable Guide to Clean Humor and Wit (Mit Sorrels and Kevin Sorrels, 2009) modern compilationISBN: 9781469105185 · ID: SXuMAAAAQBAJ
Evidence: ... The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. (Woody Allen) 99. They serve Paul Revere pizza—guaranteed to wake you up in the middle of the night. 100. Most people eat the three basic food groups—canned, frozen, and takeout ... Other candidates (1) Woody Allen (Woody Allen) compilation38.8% s all the time about their lives their occupations their lovelives and they make |
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