"The most successful marriages, gay or straight, even if they begin in romantic love, often become friendships. It's the ones that become the friendships that last"
About this Quote
Sullivan is trying to smuggle a radical idea into a deceptively cozy form: that marriage isn’t primarily a romance story, it’s a long-term civic arrangement between two people who choose to keep showing up. By putting “gay or straight” up front, he’s not just being inclusive; he’s flattening the culture-war divide and insisting on a single standard of durability. The line quietly rebukes the argument that same-sex marriage is an experiment in novelty. If the endpoint of a good marriage is friendship, then the gender configuration becomes beside the point; what matters is the shared life.
The phrasing does a second piece of work. “Even if they begin in romantic love” concedes the fairy-tale origin without surrendering to it. Romantic love is acknowledged as a spark, then demoted as a governing principle. Sullivan’s subtext is that contemporary marriage often collapses under the pressure to stay erotically electrified forever; friendship is his antidote to the consumer model of relationships, where partners are evaluated like products for “chemistry” and “fulfillment.”
The context matters: Sullivan spent years arguing for gay marriage in a public arena that treated it as either moral apocalypse or boutique lifestyle choice. Here he reframes marriage as a discipline of companionship - intimacy that looks less like constant desire and more like loyalty, humor, mutual care, and the ability to endure boredom without panicking. It works because it tells a truth people recognize but rarely advertise: passion gets headlines, friendship pays the rent.
The phrasing does a second piece of work. “Even if they begin in romantic love” concedes the fairy-tale origin without surrendering to it. Romantic love is acknowledged as a spark, then demoted as a governing principle. Sullivan’s subtext is that contemporary marriage often collapses under the pressure to stay erotically electrified forever; friendship is his antidote to the consumer model of relationships, where partners are evaluated like products for “chemistry” and “fulfillment.”
The context matters: Sullivan spent years arguing for gay marriage in a public arena that treated it as either moral apocalypse or boutique lifestyle choice. Here he reframes marriage as a discipline of companionship - intimacy that looks less like constant desire and more like loyalty, humor, mutual care, and the ability to endure boredom without panicking. It works because it tells a truth people recognize but rarely advertise: passion gets headlines, friendship pays the rent.
Quote Details
| Topic | Marriage |
|---|
More Quotes by Andrew
Add to List
