"The only joy I had was writing what was. That book was. It no longer amuses me to be all the things I was when I wrote that. But it is my story as I was then"
About this Quote
The real tension is between the public appetite for a stable persona and the private reality of change. “It no longer amuses me” isn’t modesty; it’s an assertion of distance from her earlier self and from the performance readers want her to keep repeating. MacLane’s work, famously diaristic and scandal-adjacent in its day, made her a kind of spectacle: a young woman insisting on her interior life with an intensity culture preferred to mock, medicalize, or eroticize. Here she quietly rejects the encore.
Subtext: the book that “was” is both her alibi and her burden. She won’t disown it, but she won’t sentimentalize it either. “My story as I was then” draws a hard boundary around authorship: not prophecy, not brand identity, not permanent truth. It’s an artifact of a past self, one she can now view with a mix of honesty and faint irritation.
In that stance is a modern kind of agency. She claims the right to outgrow her own narrative without pretending it never happened - and without letting readers freeze her in the pose that first made them look.
Quote Details
| Topic | Writing |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
MacLane, Mary. (2026, January 15). The only joy I had was writing what was. That book was. It no longer amuses me to be all the things I was when I wrote that. But it is my story as I was then. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/the-only-joy-i-had-was-writing-what-was-that-book-165453/
Chicago Style
MacLane, Mary. "The only joy I had was writing what was. That book was. It no longer amuses me to be all the things I was when I wrote that. But it is my story as I was then." FixQuotes. January 15, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/the-only-joy-i-had-was-writing-what-was-that-book-165453/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"The only joy I had was writing what was. That book was. It no longer amuses me to be all the things I was when I wrote that. But it is my story as I was then." FixQuotes, 15 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/the-only-joy-i-had-was-writing-what-was-that-book-165453/. Accessed 21 Feb. 2026.





