"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem"
About this Quote
Rubin’s line does a neat psychological judo move: it takes the word “problem” and turns it back on the mind that’s using it. The first clause is almost boringly obvious - life has problems - but the second clause exposes the hidden addiction underneath: the expectation of a frictionless existence. That expectation is the real engine of misery, because it converts ordinary difficulty into personal failure. You’re not just dealing with a late bill or a hard conversation; you’re also running a private trial where the evidence is, “This shouldn’t be happening,” and the verdict is, “Something is wrong with me.”
The intent is clinical, not inspirational. Rubin is pointing to a cognitive distortion that shows up in anxiety and depression: demandingness, the rigid “should” that inflates pain into catastrophe. The subtext is a rebuke to perfectionism and to the fantasy of control. Problems become intolerable when they’re treated as glitches in the system rather than the system itself - the ongoing cost of being alive, attached, ambitious, embodied.
Contextually, it fits a mid-to-late 20th-century therapeutic worldview that traded moral diagnosis for mental habits: your suffering isn’t proof of weakness; it’s often the byproduct of the story you tell about suffering. The repetition (“problem... problem... problem”) is deliberate, almost comic, because it mimics rumination - the mind circling the same word until it feels like a cage. Rubin’s wager is that acceptance isn’t surrender; it’s exiting that loop so you can actually solve what’s solvable.
The intent is clinical, not inspirational. Rubin is pointing to a cognitive distortion that shows up in anxiety and depression: demandingness, the rigid “should” that inflates pain into catastrophe. The subtext is a rebuke to perfectionism and to the fantasy of control. Problems become intolerable when they’re treated as glitches in the system rather than the system itself - the ongoing cost of being alive, attached, ambitious, embodied.
Contextually, it fits a mid-to-late 20th-century therapeutic worldview that traded moral diagnosis for mental habits: your suffering isn’t proof of weakness; it’s often the byproduct of the story you tell about suffering. The repetition (“problem... problem... problem”) is deliberate, almost comic, because it mimics rumination - the mind circling the same word until it feels like a cage. Rubin’s wager is that acceptance isn’t surrender; it’s exiting that loop so you can actually solve what’s solvable.
Quote Details
| Topic | Resilience |
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