"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife"
About this Quote
The intent is motivational, but the subtext carries a mild indictment. "Ballroom or church or synagogue" isn’t anti-ritual; it’s anti-substitution. She’s calling out the way we outsource commitment to pageantry and paperwork, then act surprised when intimacy doesn’t hold under stress. The repetition of "choice" is the engine: it demystifies love without cheapening it. You don’t fall into marriage; you keep electing it, sometimes when you’re tired, resentful, bored, or busy. That’s the adult version of romance.
There’s also a behavioral ethic embedded in the last clause: commitment becomes legible through treatment. Not feelings, not vows, not social media captions - the daily micro-decisions that either protect or erode a partnership. In context, this fits De Angelis’s broader self-help era project of translating big emotional ideals into actionable habits. It’s a modern corrective to the "soulmate" fantasy: less destiny, more maintenance. The quote works because it tells the truth people suspect but don’t want to say at the reception: the ceremony is symbolic; the real marriage is operational.
Quote Details
| Topic | Husband & Wife |
|---|---|
| Source | Quote attributed to Barbara De Angelis; listed on her Wikiquote page (entry for: “The real act of marriage takes place in the heart...” ). |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Angelis, Barbara de. (2026, January 16). The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/the-real-act-of-marriage-takes-place-in-the-heart-137115/
Chicago Style
Angelis, Barbara de. "The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife." FixQuotes. January 16, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/the-real-act-of-marriage-takes-place-in-the-heart-137115/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife." FixQuotes, 16 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/the-real-act-of-marriage-takes-place-in-the-heart-137115/. Accessed 12 Feb. 2026.








