"This kind of forgetting does not erase memory, it lays the emotion surrounding the memory to rest"
About this Quote
Forgetting, in Clarissa Pinkola Estes's framing, isn't a hard delete; it's sedation. The line is engineered to rescue people from a common modern panic: that moving on equals betrayal, or that healing requires amnesia. Instead, she proposes a more humane technology of the psyche: you can keep the facts while releasing the charge. Memory stays intact; the nervous system stops flaring every time the past walks into the room.
The intent is quietly radical. Estes separates "what happened" from "what it still does to you", suggesting that closure isn't a verdict but a physiological shift. The phrasing "lays...to rest" borrows the language of burial rites, giving grief a dignified end-point without pretending the dead never existed. It's a spiritualized metaphor, but it lands because it's practical: anyone who's revisited an old wound and found it oddly quiet recognizes the phenomenon.
Subtext: you are not obligated to perform perpetual feeling as proof of sincerity. In cultures that often treat trauma as identity and rumination as moral seriousness, Estes offers permission to step out of the loop. There's also an implicit critique of "forgetting" as it's usually demanded - a social command to shut up and get over it. Her version doesn't erase; it integrates.
Context matters: Estes writes as a poet steeped in myth, therapy language, and women's interior life. She speaks to readers who've been told their memories are too much, then told they're cold if they stop bleeding. This line threads that needle: remembrance without re-injury.
The intent is quietly radical. Estes separates "what happened" from "what it still does to you", suggesting that closure isn't a verdict but a physiological shift. The phrasing "lays...to rest" borrows the language of burial rites, giving grief a dignified end-point without pretending the dead never existed. It's a spiritualized metaphor, but it lands because it's practical: anyone who's revisited an old wound and found it oddly quiet recognizes the phenomenon.
Subtext: you are not obligated to perform perpetual feeling as proof of sincerity. In cultures that often treat trauma as identity and rumination as moral seriousness, Estes offers permission to step out of the loop. There's also an implicit critique of "forgetting" as it's usually demanded - a social command to shut up and get over it. Her version doesn't erase; it integrates.
Context matters: Estes writes as a poet steeped in myth, therapy language, and women's interior life. She speaks to readers who've been told their memories are too much, then told they're cold if they stop bleeding. This line threads that needle: remembrance without re-injury.
Quote Details
| Topic | Letting Go |
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