"To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all"
About this Quote
As a journalist writing in the early 20th century, Rowland was steeped in the marketplace of “how to” womanhood and marriage - etiquette columns, courtship scripts, domestic manuals - where heterosexual partnership was treated like a managed institution. Her wit mimics that genre’s confident certainty while exposing its emptiness. Notice the asymmetry: men get the dignity of being “understood” (even if only “a lot”), while women are positioned as objects of affection rather than subjects of comprehension. The line flatters male ego and shrugs at female interiority, which is precisely why it stings: it’s a snapshot of normalized condescension.
The subtext is less “women are unknowable” than “society is comfortable when women remain unread.” Understanding a woman would imply taking her seriously - her motives, ambitions, contradictions - and that threatens a marital order built on containment. Rowland’s cynicism works because it plays to the audience’s recognition: these were the rules people lived by, laughed at, and rarely challenged, all at once. The quote survives because it still maps onto modern anxieties about intimacy: love without curiosity, comprehension without tenderness.
Quote Details
| Topic | Relationship |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite | Cite this Quote |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Rowland, Helen. (n.d.). To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/to-be-happy-with-a-man-you-must-understand-him-a-35062/
Chicago Style
Rowland, Helen. "To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all." FixQuotes. Accessed February 2, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/to-be-happy-with-a-man-you-must-understand-him-a-35062/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all." FixQuotes, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/to-be-happy-with-a-man-you-must-understand-him-a-35062/. Accessed 2 Feb. 2026.












