"Unjust. How many times I've used that word, scolded myself with it. All I mean by it now is that I don't have the final courage to say that I refuse to preside over violations against myself, and to hell with justice"

In this quote, the speaker reviews how often they have called something unjust and scolded themselves for not speaking up versus it. They now understand that their use of the term was merely a way to avoid taking action and standing up for their own rights. They admit that they do not have the nerve to decline to be a part of any circumstance where they are being maltreated, despite whether justice is served. Essentially, the speaker is acknowledging their own fear and failure to assert their boundaries, while also recognizing that real justice can not be achieved if individuals do not defend themselves.