"Usually we praise only to be praised"
About this Quote
Praise here is treated like a coin, not a gift. La Rochefoucauld suggests that admiration often masks a calculation: we offer kind words to secure a return of esteem, access, or advantage. He writes out of the world of 17th-century French salons, where wit and reputation were hard currency and where an aristocrat’s survival depended on social finesse after the upheavals of the Fronde. His Maxims anatomize the hidden engine of self-love, arguing that even refined virtues frequently serve amour-propre, the hunger to be seen well by others and by oneself.
The observation is shrewd because praise does produce results. Compliments soften resistance, invite reciprocity, and signal belonging. In courtly culture and in modern offices alike, approval circulates as social capital. We congratulate colleagues partly to align ourselves with their success; we laud leaders partly to be noticed by them; we shower public acclaim online to be associated with the admired and to harvest likes in return. The moral drama lies less in flattery versus honesty than in motive: the same words can both recognize merit and advance the speaker’s standing.
La Rochefoucauld is not denying that genuine admiration exists; he is asking how frequently it appears unalloyed. His skepticism exposes how praise can become a performance, a strategy that turns relationships into ledgers. By pointing to our expectation of being praised back, he undermines the comforting story that compliments are purely generous expressions.
The provocation is useful. It prompts a pause before speaking: am I praising to honor something excellent, or to polish my reflection in someone else’s eyes? It also invites a more gracious reception of others’ compliments, tempered by awareness of the dance of reciprocity. At his sharpest, La Rochefoucauld strips virtue of its halo to examine motives, not to sneer at goodness, but to clear the way for praise that is rarer and truer because it asks for nothing in return.
The observation is shrewd because praise does produce results. Compliments soften resistance, invite reciprocity, and signal belonging. In courtly culture and in modern offices alike, approval circulates as social capital. We congratulate colleagues partly to align ourselves with their success; we laud leaders partly to be noticed by them; we shower public acclaim online to be associated with the admired and to harvest likes in return. The moral drama lies less in flattery versus honesty than in motive: the same words can both recognize merit and advance the speaker’s standing.
La Rochefoucauld is not denying that genuine admiration exists; he is asking how frequently it appears unalloyed. His skepticism exposes how praise can become a performance, a strategy that turns relationships into ledgers. By pointing to our expectation of being praised back, he undermines the comforting story that compliments are purely generous expressions.
The provocation is useful. It prompts a pause before speaking: am I praising to honor something excellent, or to polish my reflection in someone else’s eyes? It also invites a more gracious reception of others’ compliments, tempered by awareness of the dance of reciprocity. At his sharpest, La Rochefoucauld strips virtue of its halo to examine motives, not to sneer at goodness, but to clear the way for praise that is rarer and truer because it asks for nothing in return.
Quote Details
| Topic | Wisdom |
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