"Vengeance is not the point; change is. But the trouble is that in most people's minds the thought of victory and the thought of punishing the enemy coincide"

In the quote by Barbara Deming, she explores the intricate interaction between revenge, change, and victory in the context of human dispute and resolution. At the heart of her message is the idea that while revenge might be a natural impulse, it is not the supreme objective. The focus, Deming stresses, must be on enacting significant change.

Revenge often comes from a desire to retaliate versus those who have actually caused harm or injustice. It is a psychological reaction, connected to our instant feelings of anger and the requirement for retribution. However, Deming alerts that this desire for revenge can cloud our judgment and odd our real objective, which should be the change of the hidden conditions that gave rise to the dispute in the very first place. Change, therefore, exists as a more constructive and positive objective, one that looks for to prevent future harm by resolving origin rather than simply punishing the perpetrators.

Deming also highlights a mental problem: in many people's minds, the principles of victory and penalty are linked. This connection recommends that people typically correspond winning with beating or penalizing their enemies. Such a frame of mind can perpetuate cycles of hostility and prevent long-lasting reconciliation and peace. When triumph is specified by the subjugation of an opponent, it becomes a short-sighted accomplishment, one doing not have the depth and sustainability that real change requires.

To transcend this frame of mind, one should disentangle the desire for penalty from the desire for real resolution. This needs a shift in focus from pleasing immediate emotional reactions to pursuing a wider vision of peace and justice. Deming's insight challenges us to reassess our motivations in conflict situations and prioritize transformational change over short-lived fulfillment originated from vengeance. Eventually, her quote is a call to redefine triumph not as the defeat of others, however as the accomplishment of a more just and equitable society.