"We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups"
About this Quote
The line lands like a small indictment of our social software: we prize individuality as a self-description, then downgrade everyone else into categories the moment it’s convenient. Deborah Tannen’s intent is less inspirational than diagnostic. As a sociologist of everyday talk, she’s pointing to a stubborn asymmetry in perception that quietly governs workplaces, classrooms, family fights, and public life: “I” is complicated; “they” are legible.
The subtext is about power and risk management. Seeing yourself as unique grants latitude; it’s a preemptive defense against being reduced, stereotyped, or blamed for a group’s behavior. Seeing others as group representatives does the opposite: it makes people easier to file, predict, and dismiss. It also turns ordinary interactions into proxy battles. A disagreement with a colleague can become “men vs. women” communication. A tense exchange with a neighbor can slide into “immigrants,” “boomers,” “Gen Z,” “Republicans,” “elites.” Once someone is cast as an avatar, you stop listening for the person and start listening for the script.
Context matters here: Tannen’s work emerged alongside late-20th-century debates about gendered communication styles, multiculturalism, and the rise of identity as a political and media organizing principle. Her point isn’t that groups are imaginary; it’s that group frames can become cognitive shortcuts that overwrite nuance. The quote works because it mirrors how we narrate ourselves in the first person and narrate others in headlines. It exposes a moral gap that doesn’t feel like cruelty while it’s happening, which is exactly why it keeps happening.
The subtext is about power and risk management. Seeing yourself as unique grants latitude; it’s a preemptive defense against being reduced, stereotyped, or blamed for a group’s behavior. Seeing others as group representatives does the opposite: it makes people easier to file, predict, and dismiss. It also turns ordinary interactions into proxy battles. A disagreement with a colleague can become “men vs. women” communication. A tense exchange with a neighbor can slide into “immigrants,” “boomers,” “Gen Z,” “Republicans,” “elites.” Once someone is cast as an avatar, you stop listening for the person and start listening for the script.
Context matters here: Tannen’s work emerged alongside late-20th-century debates about gendered communication styles, multiculturalism, and the rise of identity as a political and media organizing principle. Her point isn’t that groups are imaginary; it’s that group frames can become cognitive shortcuts that overwrite nuance. The quote works because it mirrors how we narrate ourselves in the first person and narrate others in headlines. It exposes a moral gap that doesn’t feel like cruelty while it’s happening, which is exactly why it keeps happening.
Quote Details
| Topic | Equality |
|---|
More Quotes by Deborah
Add to List
